Just Jump
by lineemup
Summary: SpinMax. Spixie. Take your pick. I'm not too good with this summary business so let's just say I flipped the script with these two a bit. This is my first attempt at fan fiction so be brutal. lol Hope you enjoy!
1. Time to Fly

Someone once said, "It is not up to us who we love but whether we choose to love at all."

"God, Maxie! Can't you see it?! Can-can't you feel it? Feel me?" Spinelli said as he grabbed her arms with such desperation he thought he might break then and there. His eyes were dark and stormy much like the weather outside. They had come to the penthouse hoping to escape the storm only to find a fiercer one waiting just inside.

"I've been walking around for months now in this Maxie induced stupor and you..." he trailed off with a slight self deprecating chuckle, one that he had come to know as the sound of his heart breaking.

Maxie shrugged out of his grasp and walked over to the desk wanting to put a little distance between them and God help her, maybe even bring a little sanity into the situation. What the hell was Spinelli talking about? His feelings couldn't possibly have grown beyond the bounds of friendship. Spinelli was the smartest guy she knew he wouldn't be stupid enough to go and FEEL something for her. Not when she wasn't capable of being who he deserved.

"I love you, Maxie..."

"And I love you", Maxie interjected.

"Yes, but I don't think you fully comprehend what I'm trying to convey-" Spinelli rambled on while nervously fidgeting with the keys in his hands. Looking at them like they were the most interesting thing he had ever laid eyes on.

"Spinelli stop!" Maxie screeched. With that Spinelli's head shot up. Maxie's eyes showed a fire that had not been prevalent to the Jackal in quite some time. Perhaps not since Wise Georgie's death.

"Spinelli," Maxie inhaled a long deep breath. Hoping maybe with a little oxygen her world would stop spinning. "I thought you understood me." Regaining her composure. Her mind fought to find the words she so desperately needed to make this okay. "I do love you. You're my best friend and I never want to lose you. Please don't do this. Don't you see? Where you're going, I'll lose you for sure."

"You've got me but it doesn't change anything, does it? You don't see me. I thought that perhaps you did but I must have made an egregious error in my calculations because I believe if you ever really saw me...",at this he let out a small sigh while moving to stand in front of her. He grazed her cheek with his hand, "well, then my most brilliant Maximista, we- rather I wouldn't be going through such inner upheaval."

Maxie inwardly kicked herself for being so blind to all that he had been going through. She wanted to cry for her friend. Sweet, sweet Spinelli and somehow she had infected him with her very own brand of crazy.

Maxie, who had been matching his tumultuous gaze, was now looking down fearful of what she faced if she dare look up. This was Spinelli, after all. This couldn't be happening. Spinelli was a gentle soul and he would never act this way he wasn't capable of it.

"So that's it, huh? Scared little Maxie is going to run off again and maybe this time her self destructive ways will finally push me away for good." Spinelli wanted to be as close to her as possible at this point. Rejection or not he needed to be in close proximity to his hearts true home. He ached for her. Why couldn't she see that? For him there was no end in sight. He was doomed to love the girl who was too damaged to love him back. The girl who was intent on living her life the way she saw fit. When was she going to see that he fit?

Spinelli moved over to her. His eyes never leaving hers. Something inside of him had snapped. He wasn't Spinelli: genius computer hacker and friend to woman everywhere. He was a man on fire, a fire that burned for this Goddess trembling before him. He needed her to see him. She was the most beautiful thing in his orbit and it was time she saw what was right in front of her. What was always right in front of her...him.

His words were almost incoherent to her. Even as he was getting closer she found it hard to hear what he was saying. "Jump. Just jump." He was mumbling over and over again. He was freaking her out. She went to tell him to stop but something inside of her stole her breath. Then he was there. Melding their bodies in the most delicious way. His hand pressed against her lower back drawing her as close to him as possible. His other hand traced small circles against her cheek. Her skin was so smooth and delicate it drove him insane. His lips were hot on hers as his tongue begged for entrance. Taking what he wanted, what he had needed desperately for so long. Her groans turned to whimpers as the kiss grew deeper.

Suddenly as if Maxie's mind had clicked back on, she drew back with a gasp as she shoved Spinelli back. "Wha-what do you think you're doing?! You don't just go around sexing people up! What the hell was that?"

Maxie looked at Spinelli with shock etched across her face. Spinelli, on the other hand looked like he had truly lost it. A smile tugged at this features and dipped into his eyes as he started to laugh. A hearty laugh, one that had Maxie standing there dumbfounded wondering if she should take him somewhere perhaps with padded walls where they could better assess his needs.

Spinelli pushed open the balcony doors and jumped up on the ledge and with everything he had in him he screamed. The scream of a man on the verge. The scream of a man who had everything to lose. It ripped from him with such a driving force he thought that he might throw up. "I, Damian Spinelli, standing before the Gods and the rest of the universe profess my undying love for the infinitely beautiful Maxie Jones! She may not feel the same but that will never detour my heart from its natural course." The rain was beating down on his face as he lifted it to the sky. He turned around now facing her in all her glorious splendor. Concerned marred her features.

"Please Spinelli get down from there and come in. We can talk about this without getting worked up. Hell, we can even talk about this without you dying tonight. Get down it's raining you big jerk." Maxie pleaded.

Spinelli's gaze softened as he continued.

"It doesn't come easy for me, Maxie. Matters of the heart. I was perfectly content to just live out the rest of my days being your friend. To have you in my life was good enough but damn it, Maxie. Good enough just isn't going to cut it anymore." Maxie stepped out onto the balcony never taking her eyes off the crazy man on the ledge confessing his undying love for...her? When did she get here? Spinelli was in love with her. Had he lost his mind? Didn't he know that love and Maxie Jones were like fire and ice? Combining the two was suicide.

How had she not seen it? This boy who always seemed to be around when she needed someone. Had she not learned anything from all the loss in her life? You've got to grab what you can when you can because nothing last's forever. No, this was Spinelli she couldn't risk losing him. Not him. Much to her surprise Maxie had come to depend and care for Spinelli more than even she thought herself capable.

"Tell me you don't love me, Maxie. Tell me that you haven't felt it; tell me that you don't think about me. Tell me again how I'm your best friend and you don't want to lose me!" Spinelli pleaded. All Maxie could do was stare at this boy who had somehow turned into this passionate man before her very eyes and she had missed it.

"Shut me up, my Maximista! You can't, can you? Because you love me! You do, just say it!" Spinelli jumped from the ledge and took his place right in front of her. They were both completely soaked, a fact that neither of them seemed to notice or care about.

"Say it..." Spinelli whispered as he reached his hand out and lifted her chin so that he could see into those beautiful eyes that, unlike Maxie, told Spinelli everything he wanted to know.

"We can't live our lives in fear. I can't. Not anymore. I need you." Spinelli couldn't help the draw that she had on him. He needed her now. Just as he went to claim her lips for his own she stepped back.

"Don't do this. There's no going back from this. I can't lose you." Maxie begged as she tried her best to keep her tears at bay.

"You're right, Maxie. There is no going back. You have my heart and I can't be here when you try to give it back." Spinelli spoke sadly. "I wish that I could say I'm sorry, but I can't. I'll never be sorry for loving you." Spinelli smiled softly at her. "Um so I've got to get out of here. Stone Cold needs me to procure some face cleanser for his manly facial needs. So I should go do that before the store closes..." Spinelli spoke rapidly fumbling with his words trying to find an escape.

"Spinelli..." Maxie tried to get his attention as he started in with his awkward babbling. She new all he wanted to do was bolt but they had to finish this.

"Fine it's my face that has needs but nevertheless I must be on my way because you skip one day and it becomes two until one day your face becomes this battleground of unpleasantness." Spinelli nervously laughed as he made his way out the door.

Maxie was left alone. In the silence of the dark penthouse that once held so much promise. What had she done? She let him leave? No, no she couldn't lose him. Not like this. Not when he was right. She did love him. She messed up...again!

"Oh shit...I love Spinelli." Maxie whispered.

Don't take things for granted. That was what she was determined to take from all the loss she had faced in her life. So how had she done that very thing with Spinelli? She wasn't about to let this stand for one more second. Yes it was true that maybe she wasn't the quickest girl to walk to earth but she'd be damned if she'd let him get away now. Not now that her whole world had just been turned upside down. She was going to go get what she needed. She was going to go and get that damn happiness she heard so much about.


	2. Heads or Tails Real or Not

Hey guys

Thanks to all who are reading and those of you who have replied. They made my day, hell they made my month! Thanks again.

Sorry it's been awhile, I decided to take a break from the world and hauled my butt to the lake for a much needed vacation. I was trying to get this next part out before I left but you know how life gets sometimes...bah I digress. Enough of my bibble babble and on with the show.

Spixie forever!

"Way to go, freaky boy." Spinelli cursed himself borrowing Mr. Sir's harsh name for him. "The most beautiful blonde one is most decidedly yours now." Spinelli mumbled tragically as he moved along the still damp streets of Port Charles. The rain had ceased leaving Spinelli alone to wander the city encased in darkness unfolding the night's events in his head over and over again. He couldn't stop hearing her voice, seeing the way she had looked at him as if he'd gone mad. He couldn't blame her. He had gone mad, mad for her. For the love that would never come to pass. Mad at him self for not being a man she could love.

Maybe Mr. Sir was right about him. Maybe everyone was right about him. How had he ever gotten it into his head that Maxie Jones could ever feel anything for him besides those of friendship? When was he going to learn that when it came to women he would always be the loyal friend and nothing more? He couldn't live in that prison any longer, although, a most wondrous prison it was. It killed him to be in her presence and not touch her the way she was touching him.

He starved for her.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. As he opened it up a rush of memories flooded his consciousness.

There she was again. He couldn't escape her. She was everywhere, in everything he did.

"_Spinelli! A Ninja Turtles wallet…really? Aren't we a little old for this?" Maxie said with a playful giggle as she held it up for him to see. Spinelli rushed over to her a little embarrassed that he did indeed walk around with children's merchandise in his pocket on a daily basis._

"_It was a gift" he said with an uncomfortable chuckle. "I don't know about you, Maximista, but when someone is thoughtful enough to bestow such a priceless piece of animated history on the Jackal, I try to show my utmost appreciation by using said gift every instance I can" he finished as he reached his hand out to grab his most cherished possession._

_In fact, he loved that wallet and had gotten it on sale. He had to tangle with a very bratty kid for the opportunity to purchase such a worthy item. That kid never even knew what hit him but he wasn't going to let her know that. This had no barring where Maximista was concerned. _

_His fingers grazed hers briefly as she swiftly moved her hand just out of his reach. _

"_Uh uh, what are the magic words?" she questioned with a mischievous tone in her voice and a look that sent shivers up his spine. _

"_Maximista would be most wise to hand the wallet over, for she does not know with whom she messes." Spinelli spoke channeling the best Stone Cold gaze he could muster. Maxie laughed unable to contain herself once faced with Spinelli's menacing glare. _

"_Oh? And just whom would I be messing with? Maxie chided while maintaining the distance between the two. _

"_Why it is I, the Jackal, of course. You have been sheltered from my savage side thus far, I wouldn't test the Jackals abilities now." he replied inching ever closer to his prey._

"_Oh and what abilities would those be?" She said in a tone that dared him to make his move._

_With that he jumped forward turning into a spin as he reached out his arms, his fingers barely breezing across the back of her shirt as she managed to keep a step ahead of him; finding her way to the far side of the pool table. Spinelli placed his hands on the opposite side of the table ready for round two. _

"_Oooh you've done it now, no one gets past the 'Spinelli Stunner'. He said giving her a wink as he moved to fake left then went right. Maxie let out a squeal surprised that Spinelli was close behind. She was rounding the couch as she felt his hands circle her waist and lift her up. _

"_Ah, Spinelli! Noo!" She said between laughs as he flipped her onto the couch. Immediately placing himself between her legs as the battle for the wallet raged on. During the struggle Spinelli having a firm grasp on his wallet pulled back with all his might only to be sent tumbling backwards hitting the table with his head._

"_Ow...ow." Spinelli moaned from the floor._

"_Oh God, Spinelli" breaking from her laughter to kneel by Spinelli's side. _

"_I'm okay..." inhaling a sharp breath he finished, "... my face broke my fall." Spinelli said his face wincing in pain as he touched the little gash on his forehead. _

"_Oh no Spinelli, you're bleeding." Maxie stated getting a better look at the wound as she gently brushed the hair out of his face. Helping him onto the couch she told him to sit tight while she rounded up some bandages for her patient. _

_He liked thinking of her like this. Concerned for him; making a fuss over him. It made it easier for him to pretend that she felt something. That same something he felt for her. The something that made him feel as though the impossible was suddenly possible. He knew it was foolish but he couldn't help the smile that plastered itself across his face. It was effortless, like his love for her. _

_It was now Maxie's turn to position herself between his legs as she knelt down in front of him to get a better view of the wound. "So the wallet was a gift huh?" Maxie said with a gleam of something devious in her eyes._

"_Si, the fashionista would be correct in her assessment."_

"_So then these Ninja Turtle band aides I found in the medicine cabinet in your bathroom would just be a crazy coincidence, right?" She said with a victorious smirk._

"_I don't suppose that you would believe that those happen to be for the little red one, would you?" Spinelli said sheepishly as Maxie laughed. _

"_The little red one being..."_

" _Little Michael Corinthos, of course."_

"_Of course" Maxie retorted feeling secure in the knowledge that she had been right all along. _

Spinelli's thumb fumbled around in the recesses of his wallet, determined to possess something on this night, if not his hearts desire, he would settle for what was waiting behind door number two. A small smile gracing his features as his thumb brushed against the thin stick that held all the promise he needed in the world at that moment. The promise of nothing.

"Aw yes, to feel nothing would indeed be the greatest gift in the world." he said placing his wallet back into his pocket.

Lifting it to his lips he thought about what a fool he had been. He couldn't help the sour chuckle that escaped his lips as he inhaled nature's temporary cure for the ache that had taken up residence in his heart. He made his way down the street, exhaling the toxic smoke as though it were really his love for her. He would've summoned every resource he had within him to expel it from his being if it were possible. For now he just welcomed the numbness that washed over him with every hit.

The screeching of tires snapped him out of his reverie. Just as he was able to focus on what was making all the commotion he felt hands latch onto his arms.

"Your presence has been requested, boy. This can be a pleasant ride, no?" spoke a deep voice thick with a Russian accent.

Before Spinelli could answer they began pushing him towards their vehicle. Spinelli tried in vein to put up a fight but finally succumb to the two thugs. Spinelli still reeling in his blissfully high state could not stop the words that fell from his mouth. Not that he would've he liked to ramble it gave him comfort in chaotic situations.

"Why is it that all you evil doers drive dark Lincoln Town Cars? My grandmother drives a Town Car, dude. I mean, yeah sure they look a little ominous with the tint and the choice of color is rather menacing but fella's I got to say, all in all, it's pretty lame." Spinelli said with a laugh.

"I have lame car...," the Russian thug said with mock laughter. Spinelli didn't catch on quite as quickly as he should have and continued his laughter only to have it abruptly stopped by a knee to his gut.

"Maybe now you tell another joke, funny guy?" the thicker of the two said with a laugh as he tried to toss Spinelli's crumpled form into the back seat. Spinelli grabbed at the door frame trying to avoid the fate that getting into the car would undoubtedly bring. A swift blow to his face left Spinelli dizzy and on the brink of unconsciousness. At that moment the lyrical sounds of Hot Chocolate's "You Sexy Thing" filled the damp night air. Feeling around Spinelli's body the thugs claimed the cell phone from his front pocket. They took hold of his limp body once more as they successfully placed their prize in the back seat.

"Turn the damn thing off. We'll give it to the boss when we get there. Come on, hurry up." he spoke to his comrade as they got into the car and drove towards Spinelli's uncertain fate.

Dropping the phone into her purse Maxie silently cursed Spinelli for ignoring her call. She had been looking everywhere for him and had come up with empty handed. The least he could do was answer the phone and tell her where he was. Who did he think he was playing with? This was Maxie Jones and he of all people should know that she didn't stop until she got what she wanted and this instance wasn't any different. Nothing was going to stop her from finding him.


	3. Say This Sooner

Spinelli awoke with a start, his body screaming in pain as confusion set in. Where was he? Why were his hands bound above his head and why couldn't he pull them down? Spinelli began to struggle in vain only achieving the awareness that his whole body felt like he'd just went one on one with a semi truck and lost.

A thick warm substance began to pool on the concrete floor around the toes of his bare feet. He wasn't able to fully stand on the floor but when he tried he could just barely touch the cold surface with his toes, giving his arms some much needed rest that they were throbbing for. Although any relief was a welcome companion his sketchy footing did little to ease the constant aching that was now staking claim over his body.

He had no way of knowing how long he'd been there or even the damage that had already been caused to his once untouched being. The more he emerged from his hazy unconscious state realization began to dawn on him. The Russian thugs had taken him by force to a destination yet unknown. Spinelli did his best to scan the room for something he could use to help himself out of his current predicament. His eyes began to burn from an unknown assailant that was leaking down from the top of his head. As he tried his best to blink out the offending liquid he wasn't all that shocked to taste what seemed to be a mixture of both salt and something that left an almost metallic after taste on his lips.

The room was completely bare. The only exception being a small tray with a few items placed on top. He couldn't quite make out what they were due to the absence of light in the eerily silent room. The only thing that kept it from being pitch black were the faint flickers of light that kept recurring in waves, coming from inside a room that was connected to the one now holding him captive. The door was open but he heard no sounds coming from inside. Just the ominous flickering from what he guessed to be a television set.

'Damn it, what was that smell?' he thought to himself. A pungent gamey odor lay thick in the room. A smell that one might find if they happened into a butcher shop with slabs of raw meat hanging all around, only in this circumstance he supposed he could be referred to as the hanging meat. It was almost as though he could taste it. An unusual element to be worrying over considering his current state of affairs but it was either thinking about the smell or dwelling on what the possible outcome would be for him. Spinelli couldn't be sure but he had a sinking feeling that he wouldn't be making it back to the penthouse tonight or ever again for that matter. Here was yet another example of that famous Damian Spinelli luck checking in for another go around. Spinelli couldn't think of a better example of Murphy's Law than himself. He was living breathing proof that such a law existed because for Spinelli anything that could go wrong, would most definitely be going wrong. When he had wished for a distraction from Maxie and the events that had unfolded that night, this wasn't exactly what he had in mind.

He'd always thought it might come down to this, ever since being added to Stone Cold's payroll and current place of residence. Spinelli was ready for what was to come; at least that's what he'd always told himself. He knew the dangers; the risks involved with being associated to his leather bound sensei. Spinelli let out a hollow chuckle as he thought of all the horrible things they were more than likely going to do to him. He laughed at how perfectly ironic their timing was. Yeah this seemed about right...to have his heart ripped from his chest earlier in the evening only to later have it literally ripped from his chest. As a strange calmness settled over him, he decided to take comfort in that fact. The fact that when if came to matters of pain and sheer unadulterated anguish, no one would ever have anything on Maxie Jones.

If they only knew the suffering that he had already been put through they'd probably just give up and kill him realizing that there was no greater pain they could ever inflict on him that could surmount the agony that Maxie was putting him through. The girl who made him live and die all at once.

Having his thoughts once again drift to Maxie, Spinelli cursed himself for thinking of her at a time like this when he needed all his neurons firing in one common goal, formulating an escape plan. But here he was beaten and bloodied, hanging from the ceiling with nothing but thoughts of his Maximista taking priority above the rest of his minds ramblings. He couldn't get her perfect face out of his head or the perfect nature of all her movements. It always seemed to him that she moved with a purpose especially when walking towards him, like every movement was made just for him. Or the way her nose would crinkle when she smiled or laughed or cried. The sweet taste of her lips when they were wedged between his, the feel of her soft tongue as it explored the depths of his mouth. Of course this was only when she decided to grace him with her silent sentiment that was always left unsaid. Like a secret she had been keeping that just couldn't be contained any longer. Finally his mind rested on the way their bodies fit so perfectly together, making them one for however brief a moment in time.

Hanging there on the edge of unconsciousness and reason his mind started to race. Thoughts of his impending doom began cluttering up his mind again. So this was it. This was how it was all going to end for him? 'No' Spinelli thought, he couldn't just give up. He had to fight because he had to survive. He had to live so he could get back to her. It seemed so preposterous to want to live only because of another but that's where he found himself. He was never one to be called a tough guy but if it took summoning some outrageous strength that he had no right to have, he would, because he wasn't going to let her down. Not like this, he couldn't do that to her.

***********

Maxie had scoured the city looking for any sign of Spinelli but hadn't found a thing. She went to all his usual haunts, she had asked Mike if he'd been into Kelly's to no avail. Spinelli was gone. Maxie was exhausted but she couldn't give up until she found him. She had to make things right. As a last resort she decided she would head back to the penthouse and camp out there until Spinelli returned.

A small smile played on her lips as she thought about him. She couldn't wait to see the look on his face when she told him she loved him. All she wanted was for him to take her in his arms and never let go. She would just melt away and feel nothing but the love they shared for each other. As thoughts of Spinelli and what could be danced around in her head, her feet started to pick up the pace. She suddenly couldn't wait, she was about to burst. All she needed was Spin. Before she knew it, she was running down the streets of Port Charles like a woman possessed. Not caring about the "crazy lady" image she must be giving off to the passers-by in town.

Reaching the penthouse door she grabbed for the handle but it was locked. After knocking on the door she waited for someone to answer. Maxie let her mind drift over the possibilities. Visions of Spinelli throwing open the door, grabbing her and having his way with her raced through her mind. She was helpless to stop the goose bumps that popped up as she thought about the way he kissed her so sweetly with a hint of desperation she had always missed until now. She should have known how he felt about her. Looking back on everything it was easy to see how he'd felt. A slight blush graced her features, as she grew impatient. Pounding on the door in frustration her hands began to ache. Feeling defeat settling over her body she dropped her forehead against the door and uttered a silent prayer. Exhaustion, frustration and the desperation she felt all came to rest upon her as tears slipped from her eyes, she sank to the floor. Her mind was like a jukebox that kept recycling random memories of her and Spinelli at will, she found herself trying to pin point exactly when it was that her mind had lost the war and let her heart become his.

_"It never ends, you know?" Maxie's words seemed foreign to her. She had come to a realization in the past few days that had shook her to her core for what seemed like the millionth time. From now on her life would forever be divided into two parts, her life while Georgie was still alive and her life after Georgie. The thought infuriated her. She just wanted to kick and scream and never stop. She wanted to pull a Forrest Gump, to run and run as far as her legs would take her until she was far enough away that the pain couldn't follow her. She thought about how she'd never get the chance to be the big sister that Georgie had always deserved, the sister that she hadn't figured out how yet to be. She'd always thought there'd be more time. God, that's all she needed just some more time and it would all be okay again. But as it stood she was faced with a life without her. If life was about moving on without Georgie, she didn't want any part of it. The thoughts plagued her and she knew that from then on life would just be about surviving. _

_She wondered how the world could keep moving forward, how it was that everyone seemed to go about business as usual. Didn't they know that the whole world had just caved in on itself? Georgie was gone. Maxie had failed her sister and there was a hole in the world that she needed everyone to feel as much as she did. She was tempted to let it take her. She would gladly be devoured whole if it meant that it would all stop. To be able to be with Goergie again was all she wanted. To talk to her and to hear her laugh, scream cry she would take whatever she could get as long as it was Georgie… even if it was just once more. _

_Each minute that passed was another silent victory that went unnoticed to everyone except him. Maxie never expected Spinelli, of all people, to understand. She never could have imagined that it would be him to grab her hand during her time of despair and stay with her as she fumbled around looking for what was left of the light in the dark. But here he was holding her close. One hand fixed on her lower back pressing her firmly against him while the other moved over the length of her back trying to be as soothing as possible. She didn't know when they had become so accustomed to holding each other but she wasn't complaining. She loved his arms around her. Something about the way he was with her made her feel safe. A comfort that she hadn't realized she'd been missing until she found herself in his embrace._

_"I know, I know." Spinelli breathed. He didn't try to lie to her or make things better he just let her break knowing he'd be there to catch the pieces that fell. Knowing that what she really needed right now was just to be heard and held. _

_'So this is what it's like...' Spinelli thought to himself. This is what it is to be in love. Funny, he'd pictured it differently. It wasn't something that you just fell into like his overly literal brain had led him to believe. If he had to explain love he wasn't sure he could capture such an entity with mere words. The best he could come up with was that it was like living your life in the dark and one day looking up to find everything in your world completely bathed in the most glorious light that one could ever imagine. It changes everything that he could say for certain. _

_"Promise me, you'll never leave me." Maxie choked out between her silent sobs. _

_"I could never leave you, my Maximista" he said sweetly while using his thumb to wipe away the tears that were falling down her cheek._

_"Promise?" she said with a subtle desperation that did not go unnoticed by him._

_"Promise"_

"Maxie, what are you doing here?" Jason said as he stepped off the elevator.

"Have you seen Spinelli?" Maxie was too tired for Jason's inquiries.

As Jason opened the door, he looked over his shoulder giving Maxie a once over. It looked like this was the ending to one hell of a night.

"I thought he was with you. Ill let him know you came by when-" Before he could finish his sentence Maxie was through the door and heading up the stairs.

"Or you can let him know when he gets here" he said to himself as he shut the door.

When she entered Spinelli's perfectly pink room she threw herself down on his bed. Making herself comfortable, not knowing but having a strong feeling it would be some time before Spinelli made his appearance. She couldn't resist mashing her face into his pillow and drawing in his scent. God, she was impatient she felt like a child who couldn't settle down because they were too anxious with thoughts of what was to come. As she flipped herself onto her side she noticed the edge of a paper sticking out from underneath his other pillow. Curious as to what he would possible find the need to keep in such a peculiar place she grabbed for it. As she unfolded it she was taken back noticing that it had her name at the top of it. The contents were what seemed to be excerpts from various poems, all of which were meant for her, from him.

Words for my heart….my Maxie

_I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,  
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.  
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,  
in secret, between the shadow and the soul._

_I love you as the plant that never blooms,  
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;  
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,  
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body._

_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;  
so I love you because I know no other way_

_than this: where I does not exist, nor you,  
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,  
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep._

_Doubt thou the stars are fire;  
Doubt that the sun doth move;  
Doubt truth to be a liar;  
But never doubt I __**love**__.._

_Oh dear Maximista, I am ill at these numbers  
I have not art to reckon my groans but that  
I love thee best, O my best, believe it._

When she was done reading them she was once again struck by the power and depth of his feelings for her. Tears began to build in her eyes again and she thought she wouldn't be able to wait any longer she needed him there, now. Pushing a sigh through her parted lips she held the paper tight against her chest silently willing him back to her. As seconds turned to minutes she finally allowed herself to fall asleep. Clutching Spinelli's heart against hers as she drifted off to a place where she was sure to find him.


	4. Brink of Disaster

Spinelli had no way of knowing how long it had been since the ominous flickering had ceased, leaving the room absent of all light. Panic put down roots in his gut as he did his best to ready himself for whatever lay ahead. As he waited, his mind raced with all the horrific things that he might be expected to endure. Bamboo shoots up the fingernails, perhaps. Poking and prodding of a most heinous nature or maybe a little water torture to pass the time? No. No this was not the Chinese, he quickly reassured himself. No the Russians were more likely to shoot him in the head and dump his body off the nearest dock.

'So put your mind at ease' he thought to himself as his frail chuckle turned to tears that could not be contained any longer.

He knew the Russians to be ruthless and vindictive and as the horrifying images of all the victims that lay in their wake rushed to his mind, he squeezed his eyes tight trying his best to block them out as best he could. Doing research on the Russians was part of his job, a job he was very good at but now he wished he wasn't so talented, for now he knew exactly what they were capable of. He started bargaining with himself as to what he could take and what he could not. His breathing grew ragged as the nervousness within him started to swell.

"Lashings, beatings I can deal with, but that's it. Okay…okay! Maybe a little shock of the electrical variety but the Jackal wants nothing to do with the instruments of mass destruction that are lying on that tray looking very similar to ones that a certain dubious doctor would have in his office. Oh God, they're going to kill me." He let his dread take over for a split second before he banished the thought from his mind.

"Don't panic, stay calm. You can do this. All the Jackal needs to do is breathe and think. What would Stone Cold do?" he mumbled to himself.

It calmed him to speak aloud. Hearing his own voice tricked him into thinking he wasn't alone in the dark with nothing but the smell of raw rotting meat to keep him company. He felt like a kid again and all he wanted to do was call his mommy in to turn on his nightlight. Although it seemed fitting that his mother hadn't been there to turn it on when he was a boy why would now be any different? He was used to getting by on his own and if he could only use his brain and formulate a plan, he could turn the lights on for himself.

He tried again to wiggle his hands free of the handcuffs that had now worn away some of the skin at his wrists, leaving a decent size gash that followed his wrist around as a bracelet would. Spinelli tried using the blood that had begun to run down his arms as a lubricant thinking it would be easier to slip his hands free from them. He found himself pulling with all his strength, so hard that at one point he was lifted in the air suspended there, his wrists carrying the weight of his aching body.

Spinelli felt the heat against his ear before he heard the words.

"How do you like my car now, beech?" the thick lazy whisper came from behind him so close he could feel the heat from the faceless beasts breath radiating against his ear.

When had the Russian goon entered the room? Had he always been there? Waiting…hiding in the shadows behind him watching him crack from the inside out, struggling against his confines as if he were a terrified animal stuck in a hunter's snare.

His menacing foe was still so close he could feel the warmth of his breathing wash over his cool bare back. Suddenly he felt something cold and dangerously smooth being dragged along the right side of his back coming to rest just below his shoulder blade. He couldn't help the small sigh of relief that escaped his body as he realized that no pain had been inflicted. Maybe the worst was over and now all they wanted to do was scare him into talking, he prayed, letting a tiny spark of hope ignite within him for the first time since he awoke in the awful place that reeked of death.

"It's play time, boy."

As the words were uttered from behind, he screamed in pain as the offending object was forced into him, twisting as it entered his already broken body. Spinelli was not ready for the intensity of the pain. The knife sliced through his flesh with ease as it left its lasting mark. He was sure he would pass out at any moment but just as he felt relief turning the corner and riding to his rescue like his very own knight in shinning armor, on the brink of unconsciousness, the blade was swiftly retracted leaving as painfully as it went in.

The scream ripped from his body taking what was left of his strength with it. Having no energy to hold his head up he let it go limp as he continued to speak.

"Why are you doing this? What do you want from me? Answer me! Let me go! Please…" Spinelli was desperate to make it end. He needed this to be over, he needed this to be a dream he could wake up from. Nevertheless, it wasn't a dream so he continued racking his brain for the magic words that would set him free.

"I can make you rich. I am the Jackal of cyberspace I can put millions of dollars in your name in an off shore account so it cannot be traced. Just let me go and get me to a computer. You will be richer than you have ever dreamed. No one has to know. Come on we can-ahhhhh! Jesus, stop…please..." the knife cut his sentence short as it was once again plunged into him, pushing a completely new level of agony to the surface.

"My name's not Jesus, boy. Far from it so save your breath, you're going to need it." The voice was void of even the resemblance of compassion, leaving only the echo of sheer enjoyment resonating in his ears. Feeding off his fear and anguish like a shark that smelt blood in the water.

"The lord of the blade has no idea the wrath that awaits him if he continues down this most heinous path. Jason Morgan runs this city and when he finds out what you are doing…" he was winded and the mere act of speaking was draining him of all the strength he had in reserve. "…the hell to be paid will be so immense you will seek solace down the barrel of a gun." Spinelli gurgled out as blood crept out from between his lips and trailed down the side of his jaw.

"Perhaps it is you who does not have the idea of – how do you say 'wrath' that awaits you, Damien." A tall dark figure moved forward through the dark, reaching up to light a cigarette, giving Spinelli a brief glimpse of the man now standing in front of him. He couldn't make out much but he managed to get a look at his eyes. He looked dead into the lifeless blue orbs. At least the right eye was blue; the left had a thick scar running diagonally through it leaving what was supposed to be an oddly beautiful blue iris an eerie shade of white. The scar started at the top of his eyebrow and ended just above his cheekbone.

"Who are you? Why are you keeping me here?" Spinelli said through gritted teeth trying to bite back the pain that was now plaguing him.

With that, the man flicked his cigarette into the depths of the room, grabbed Spinelli by his face with both hands, and leaned in so close that their foreheads were touching and spoke his next words wearing a dead man's smile.

"All will be revealed in time, Damien. For now, you need to be cleansed of all your sins and since Jesus is not available maybe you just make do with Bruno, eh? What do you say?" the sticky looking Russian said with a laugh as he kissed his forehead and cast his hands from Spinelli face. He turned his back and began laughing as he walked from the room. The laughter bounced off the walls and shot through him like bullets ripping through flesh.

"No! Come back! What sins? You can't do- ahhhh!" Spinelli's pleas were once again cut short by the agonizing return of the steel bladed intruder that had acquainted itself with his body earlier.

As tears left their salt stained trails down his face, he rested his head against his arm. He kept hoping for relief but the over eager mobster seemed to be delighting in his duties a little too much. Spinelli's screams seemed to be ignored as the time crept by. He could tell that wasn't the case because with each scream, each agonizing sob that escaped Spinelli's lips Bruno would get more aggressive with each passing moment, each cry for help.

"Listen…I'm sorry….I'm sorry for all my sins. I am sorry for it all. Okay? I'm cleansed, goddamnit! Just leave me alone…please I'm so sorry." Maybe it was the utter exhaustion he felt or hanging on the brink of death but in that moment Spinelli lost control and snapped.

**************

"_Promise me, you'll never leave me." Maxie choked out between her silent sobs._

"_I could never leave you, my Maximista" he said sweetly while using his thumb to wipe away the tears that were falling down her cheek._

"_Promise?" she said with a subtle desperation that didn't go unnoticed by him._

"_Promise"_

_Spinelli uttered his vow into her soft blonde hair as she clung to him with all her might. As the feeling of the embrace started to take on a primal need, Maxie positioned her head so that her face was mere millimeters from his neck. Her breath caressed him, sending the most amazing shivers coursing through his being. _

_Needing a second to regain control before he did something he wouldn't be able to take back, Spinelli tried to step away only to have Maxie tighten her grip. Spinelli carefully angled his head so he was looking down into her swollen blue eyes. He was sure she had never looked more beautiful than at this very moment. With her eye's still glistening with unshed tears, her nose was pink with agitation and her skin was slightly splotchy but still he was sure that no one had ever looked as gorgeous as she did now, all puffy and exposed. With their faces suspended in time only a breath apart, Spinelli opened his mouth to speak._

"_Max-" he saw a faint glimmer somewhere deep in her eyes a split second before her lips crashed against his. He was helpless against her onslaught. He likened himself to a drowning man and something told him that if he came across a life preserver he wouldn't be taking it._

_It was as if all his senses were on high alert, making him completely aware of all points of contact their heated bodies made. Her hands caressed his cheeks only to blaze a trail to his ears as she lightly played with his ear lobes. Her hands seemed to find their mark as they came to rest at the back of his head where she let her fingers tangle in his shaggy brown hair all the while keeping his mouth firmly pressed to hers._

_Maxie was kissing him with an urgency that he had never known before. He was finding it hard to keep up as she kept moving her mouth over his, pushing her tongue into his willing mouth. She couldn't seem to get enough of him; it was almost as if she was trying to lose herself in him. Their cheeks touched and their tears became one Spinelli could feel her heart beating against his. _

_They fell into a fevered rhythm as Spinelli began matching her urgency with his own. Something inside told him he should stop that this was wrong to take advantage of such vulnerability. However, Spinelli knew he was fighting a losing battle because it was not in him to deny Maxie anything just as it wasn't in Maxie to be denied. He grabbed her face bringing her closer as his tongue slipped into her mouth and began massaging her tongue with his. _

_Maxie let Spinelli take the lead feeding her passion with his own. Delighting in the feeling of being held so close against him she could feel his need forming against her frenzied stomach. He held her in place while his mouth was doing the most incredible things to her. The feeling of him against her was driving her crazy she needed him now. Maxie needed to feel as much of him as she could. She ran her hands under his shirt and over his back his skin seemed to be on fire every touch made her want more. She was ready to rid him of his shirt as his hands came up and grabbed her arms stopping her motions. She let her mind drift to the feeling of his hands slowly sliding down her arms taking her hands in his as he entwined their fingers. _

_Maxie used her tongue to smooth over Spinelli's bottom lip as she bit down on it and took it into her mouth in one fluid motion. Spinelli thought he was going to crumble as his legs wobbled at the feeling of Maxie's lips gently sucking on his. His footing became weak as he fumbled a few steps backward, Maxie following his movements not allowing their kiss to break. Spinelli's back smacked up against the sidewall of one of the arches that were surrounding them in this little concrete paradise they had created for themselves. _

_Maxie ran her hands down the front of Spinelli's chest hooking her thumbs into the front belt loops of his jeans._

_Spinelli had his hands firmly pressed against her lower back loving the current that ran through him whenever she touched him. Maxie tugged at his shirt drawing him away from the wall. Before Spin knew what was happening she had her pants off and was placing her arms around his neck as she hopped up to straddle his waist locking her legs behind his back. Spinelli placed his hands under her thighs to help give her support as she started to rock her hips against his. _

_The heels of Maxie's feet dug into his ass as she grabbed for his zipper. Not being able to concentrate on anything other than the feel of Maxie's hands so close to his arousal, Spinelli took a few steps forward catching himself with one hand on the wall of the arch. Pressing Maxie's back against the wall, he trailed hot open-mouthed kisses along the column of her neck. Sucking and biting at her flesh like a man with a hunger that could not be quenched. Finally freeing him of his cloth confines Maxie continued rocking her hips into him as she took the lower part of Spin's ear into her mouth. _

_Unable to take anymore of the sweetest torture he had ever known, Spin reached between them and ripped the lacy garment from her body. He held her still sandwiched between the cold hard concrete wall and his hot aching body. Gently lifting her as her body came down enveloping him in her warmth. As the first stroke was made, they broke the kiss as they both were finding it hard to breathe. Unable to keep his body still he started to make small circles with his pelvis. The movement caused Maxie to moan in anticipation and she grabbed his face and brought it to hers. She kissed him with everything she had in her. Loving the feeling that was taking hold of her body and replacing the emptiness that had staked claim over her since Georgie's death. Falling into their dizzying rhythm, they became lost in one another. Their sighs and moans, the colliding of their bodies as they met over and over again, bled out into the night and became the soundtrack of their lovemaking. _

As Maxie's eyes fluttered open, she couldn't help the smile that plastered itself onto her face. Dreaming always gave memories that real quality that made her have to think twice as to whether she just experienced it or not. She was able to relive the feelings and sensations of that day all over again. Her body was still tingling and reacting from her nocturnal rendezvous as she wondered how, even back then, she could not have known how much this boy would come to mean to her. Had she known she loved him that day? Was she that good at lying that she was able to fool herself? She had no answers and there was no point in looking back. All that she had was here and now she was determined to make the best of it. Still she couldn't forget how raw and tender he had been with her that day at the very same place where she would later ask him to meet her the morning of their second close encounter. The place where she had taken his heart and tossed it to the ground. She had been so careless with it she found it pretty fitting that her heart was the one now breaking.

Looking around his room it was easy to see that Spin had not made his appearance last night or maybe he had and was now sleeping on the couch either way she had to find out. She threw the blankets off her and was in the middle of stretching when Jason knocked on the door.

"Spinelli get up, I need to talk to you." Jason spoke through the door. Maxie climbed out of bed and made her way over to the door as she opened it she began speaking.

"What? He's not on the couch?" Maxie said with concern etched on her face.

"Um obviously not if I'm up here knocking on his door." Jason said in all seriousness.

"Listen don't give me your little mobster attitude. Spinelli's not here and hasn't been here all night. We need to go find him. Now." Maxie's voice did nothing to hide the fear that was welling up inside of her.

"We? I don't think so. You can stay here and do whatever it is you do while you wait for him. I have a business to run if I see him before you do I will tell him you are waiting for him. Everything will be fine, Maxie. " Jason finished as he walked down the stairs and out of the penthouse.

"I hope so." she mumbled to herself.

Just as she was about to jump in the shower she heard a knock at the front door. She quickly grabbed Spinelli's robe and threw it on as she jogged down the steps. Getting to the door, she found herself nervous at the thought that Spin could be on the other side, having misplaced his keys for the thousandth time, but as she opened it, she realized that wasn't the case. As she was now standing face to face with a man who looked too well dressed not to be part of the mob. The only thing drawing her attention away from his high fashion suit and well made shoes was the jagged scar that ran over his left eye.


	5. Thinking About You

Hey guys! Thanks for all the kind words and all your comments they are much appreciated and not to sound like any kind of whore but I do cherish those reviews….lol I'm only kidding you guys are awesome for taking the time to read the crap that flows forth from my head and so I thank you once again, kind readers, for taking your most precious time to read my ramblings. Thank you! I hope you all are equally if not more entertained by this chappy. Thanks again!

Spixie in '09!

Standing face to face with the scarred man, Maxie almost forgot her words as she couldn't seem to take her eyes away from the uneven skin that had grown together across the top of his eye. With a deep cough the man cleared his throat snapping her back to attention.

"Oh, um Jas- I'm sorry, Mr. Morgan" she gave him a smile before continuing, "is not in at the moment but I'm sure if you try back later you'll have better luck." Maxie stated as she began bringing the door to its close. Placing his hand against the door to prevent it from doing so, he took his opportunity to speak.

"Perhaps a woman of such stunning beauty would permit me to ask a favor from such rare loveliness?" he questioned with a charm that made her feel creepy all over. "I don't believe I'll have the time to come back. Can you take down a message for Mr. Morgan?"

"Uh although I don't consider myself his resident message service I guess I can make an exception this once." Maxie said as she went to the desk, grabbing a pen and some paper wanting to get him on his way, as fast as possible. Still bent at the desk she tilted her head to look back at him letting him know she was ready.

"My name is Daniil Petrov. I am here on behalf of his former associate, Damian Spinelli. I have hired him for a job I need tending to back in Russia and he was gracious enough to accept my offer. "

"Spinelli? Wait a second. I don't think so. Spinelli would never just take off without telling us, I mean Jason, uh- Mr. Morgan." Maxie tried her best to remain calm but she was thrown into confusion as she tried to make sense of what this man, this Daniil Petrov, was saying to her.

"Why don't you slow down Ms….?" Petrov said with a chuckle feeling amused at how brazen this girl was being on behalf of such a puny excuse for a man.

"Don't worry about my name. Where is Spinelli? I want to talk to him" Maxie's nervousness was taking over and she didn't care how pushy she was being. Just standing in the same room with him made her feel like she needed a long hot shower. This guy was giving her the heebie jeebies.

It was not like Spinelli to just take off and leave without telling her. Okay, so they had that big blown out whatever it was the night before but he would never just pick up and leave, especially without telling her. He promised. Besides that he would never take off on his "master" Stone Cold. Fight or no fight he just wasn't capable of something like this. No, she would never believe it. Daniil Petrov was lying and she was going to find out why.

"I'm afraid it is true. If we can continue with the rest of the message I would be in your debt, I really must be going. I'm in the middle of a project and things have gotten…" he paused to look at her, "….messy". He said bringing his face eerily close to hers as he spoke. "So I really must be getting back to it, time being of the essence and all." He finished his remarks with a chuckle which slowly faded into a smile, completing his creepy demeanor. Petrov made his way over to the door and grabbed the handle as Maxie spun around.

"Whoa, hold on! Where are you going? You didn't finish? What's the rest? Where's Spinelli?" Petrov turned back to her wearing the same amused smile he'd been displaying the entire time he'd been there.

"I'm sure he'll be in contact seeing as he would never leave without telling you, oh I mean Mr. Morgan." Petrov gave her a wink as he opened the door and walked out. "Thank you for your time, Ms. Jones."

Running to the door and throwing it open she made it to the elevator just in time to catch a glimpse of him giving her a small wave from inside as the doors came together.

"Where's Spinelli?!" She shouted at the now closed elevator doors. Turning away from the elevator she stood there perplexed.

"He knew my name."

************************

"Listen…I'm sorry….I'm sorry for all my sins. I am sorry for it all. Okay? I'm cleansed, goddamnit! Just leave me alone…please I'm so sorry." Maybe it was the utter exhaustion he felt or hanging on the brink of death but in that moment Spinelli lost control and snapped….

"_Good morning, my beautiful one." A soothing voice filled his ears as his eye's fluttered open._

"_Time for mama's beautiful baby to wake up" she whispered as she stroked the side of his soft pink cheek._

"_Heeey, I'm a boy!" He said giving her the best stern voice a five year old boy could muster. "Boy's can't be beautiful, silly" he said breaking into a smile._

"_Well, then I guess you broke the mold because you are the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen." She said taking his cheeks between her hands as he squirmed and giggled. Finding her mark she kissed his scrunched up perfect little face._

_She was beautiful, the kind that didn't take prep work. She wasn't wearing make up and still she could rival any made up woman that crossed her path. Though something about the way she carried herself let you know that she didn't think so. She was dressed in a white dress with an apron tied to the front. She wore white shoes with flesh toned stockings her long brown hair came down to delicately cascade around her shoulders. She was a beautiful woman, indeed, with kind eyes that made you feel at ease and anxious all at once._

"_Groooss." He said wiping at his face._

"_It's time to get up so you can go to school, baby. It's your first day of kindergarten. How excited are you?" _

"_No, mama I don't wanna go to schooooool." _

"_What? No school? I thought you were excited about being a big boy .Well, I guess you don't have to go to school, if you don't want to." She said keeping her mischievous grin from his sight. "Those big boys won't have that much fun anyhow, besides I like you just the way you are, Damian. You can stay my little man forever." She said kissing the top of his head letting her lips curve into a smile knowing what her son's next words would be._

"_I'm a big boy, mama!" he said jumping off the bed._

"_Where are you going, baby?" she said with a chuckle. Smiling brightly at this little boy who held her heart in his tiny hands, her baby boy the love of her life._

"_I gotta get ready for school, mama. Big boys can't be late." He said matter of factly as he headed for the closet. _

"_Okay then, as soon as mama's little man is dressed get in the kitchen because breakfast is already on the table. Hurry up so I have enough time to walk you to the bus before I go to work." She was already out the door as she turned to poke her head in once more._

"_Love you, baby." She said giving him a wink._

"_Love you too, mama" _

Bruno didn't know what was happening to the kid. One minute he was screaming, the way all of his respectable victims acted and the next he's mumbling to himself. Slice after slice, Bruno kept waiting for the screams to come again. Groans, moans, the soft sound of a sigh as he slipped into unconsciousness, Bruno would have been happy to hear any number of things but as it stood he heard nothing. What little he could make out sounded like he was having some sort of dream. The kid seemed to be reliving a moment, stuck in his own mind unaware of his current surroundings or the current state of his helpless being.

Bruno stepped in front of him and smacked his face a couple times trying again to snap him out of it, so he could start enjoying himself again. This was Bruno's specialty, his favorite part of the job and the kid was ruining it for him. He went to punch him in the gut but stopped as he heard a faint sound coming from him. He strained to make out the words, to make some kind of sense to what was going on. Then he heard it.

"Love you too……mama" Spinelli spoke the words on a broken whisper as his whole body shook and then stilled having nothing left to give.

The kid looked like shit and still when he said those words a smile appeared on his face. Deciding that he had had enough Bruno picked up a rag and started cleaning the blood from between his own fingers. Spinelli was still out of it as Bruno leaned in and started speaking to him.

"Yes, boy. Go to your happy place with your whore mother. Escape into your mind for however long you can but know that when you get back….I'll be waiting." His dark foreboding laugh escalated as he leaned back and threw the rag at Spinelli's face.

*************

Maxie rushed into Jason's office her hair thrown up; she was wearing her clothes from the day before, when her life still held some semblance of normalcy. After Petrov left she ran upstairs bypassing her shower instead opting to quickly get dressed so she could get to Jason as soon as she could. She was more than scared for Spinelli. It had been all night. All night. Spin could be anywhere. Anything could have happened to him. She couldn't help the line of thought her mind kept going down. Spinelli hurt, in pain, trapped, or worse he could be…it was too horrible to even think about. Spinelli was okay. He had to be. Everything would be fine now. Jason would take care of it. Once he found out, of course.

"Jason, Spinelli's in trouble!" she squeaked out as she brushed past one of Jason's many thugs to take her place in front of his desk.

"What? No, no" Jason said with a brutish whine. "Maxie you can't just rush in here whenever you feel like. I get that you two had some sort of fight but I don't have time for that now. This is my place of business. Serious business, Maxie." Jason started in on his standard rundown but Maxie couldn't wait.

"No, Jason this is serious. After you left, this creepy Russian mob guy came over."

"And you answered my door? Maxie…"Jason put his hand to his face rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Listen, I wasn't going to but I thought it might be Spinelli. Obviously I was wrong so if we could all move past that and skip to the part where Spinelli is in trouble!" Maxie said getting agitated at Jason's lack of concern.

"His name is Daniil Petrov. He had me take a message, here." Never taking his eyes from the note, he started speaking.

"Find out everything and anything you can on this Daniil Petrov. I want to know who he is, who he works for, where he comes from and why he wants Spinelli….do it now." Jason looked up when his associate hadn't made a move.

"Is there a problem? This is priority one now. I want any and all information as it comes in. Now! " Jason was barely able to finish his sentence as his associate barreled out the door. As the door shut Jason looked at Maxie who was staring into the distance with a look of sheer panic on her face.

"Maxie" Jason said in low calm voice.

"No, Jason." Maxie turned to look him in the eyes. She looked on the verge of tears as she continued. "We have to find him. Spinelli isn't made for this mob stuff. He's probably hurt or or-" she couldn't make herself finish the sentence, breaking off closing her eyes as tears slipped from them making their way down her face.

"He has to be all right." She muttered into Jason's shoulder, who had moved from his desk to stand beside her pulling her into his side and leaning his head against hers as they both said a silent prayer for Spinelli.

**************

Silence had taken over the dark reassesses of the warehouse. Spinelli was now dangling from the ceiling as the strength to stand had long since left his body. His body was covered in a thick sheen of sweat and blood. His pants, the only clothes the Russians had decided to leave on him, were hanging low around his waist leaving the bottoms of his pant legs to pile up on the floor around each of his feet. His breathing was shallow and came in repetitive bursts.

Hanging on the verge of unconsciousness for what seemed to be the millionth time since waking up in the cold dank warehouse, still stuck reliving his past in the dark forgotten corners of his mind, his head shot up with a burst of something his body had no logical right to have, he spoke his next words with tears in his eyes and desperation in his voice as his body finally went limp.

"Mommy…mommy! Wake up! We gotta go mommy, pleeease mommy, wake up! Mommy….please"


	6. Cold Cold Feeling

"_You know Spin, you should really listen to me on this one my tastes have matured while yours seem to be permanently stuck in the refrigerated section of the nearest Gas and Go." Maxie said with a laugh as she bent down to retrieve some tomatoes from the vegetable crisper in Jason's fridge. _

"_While truthful, albeit shockingly painful to hear, I still keep to my statement that tomatoes, while ultimately nutrishes to ones self, hold no real redeemable qualities."_

"_Redeemable qualities being you don't like the way they taste?" Maxie said eyeing him with a smirk._

"_Yes, of course. The Jackal can not be expected to partake in such awfulness. The taste is regrettable at best." Spinelli spoke never taking his eyes from the sandwiches he was busily constructing for their dinner. "Just thinking about the slimy nature of the tiny seeds as they squish around in your mouth, alone, is enough to make the Jackal want to expel the contents of his stomach." Spinelli said as a shiver of disgust ran up his body and made his head shake in a dramatic fashion. Maxie couldn't help but laugh at the goofy face he made as he cringed at the thought of tomatoes._

_Maxie kept eyeing him. The way he was so focused, biting down on his lip every once and awhile the tip of his tongue would peak out of the corner of his mouth as he furrowed his brow trying to perfect his craft. He looked adorable._

"_Tomatoes are good for you, Spinelli. You should eat as many as you can." Maxie said with playfulness in her eyes. Spinelli was still in sandwich mode and didn't notice Maxie come up behind him. _

"_Spin!" Maxie yelled from behind him and stuffed pieces of tomato into his mouth as his face shot around to look at her._

"_Okay, wow…what was that!? Yeah that's real nice." He said looking at Maxie who couldn't contain her laughter as she had her back to the sink her hands came up to cover her mouth. "You know what? I don't think you've had enough tomato in your diet as of late…why don't you let me help you with that? Seeing as you were gracious enough to offer your services just now" Spinelli said with his mouth full of tomato as he grabbed some pieces and went after Maxie. _

"_Spinelli!" Maxie said his name on a high pitched squeal as he pinned her against the counter and tried to maneuver his hand next to her tightly sealed lips. Their bodies pressed firmly together molding them to one another. They were both struggling against the other each trying to achieve their goal but neither wanting the contact to end. _

_By the time it was over Maxie was strung out across Spinelli's lap both with mouths full of tomato. As they both started to calm down, Maxie, as if suddenly realizing her current location, quickly made a move to get up. She grabbed a dish towel from the island and turned back to look at Spinelli who was now standing at the sink. Maxie began wiping the tomato juice from her face and shirt. _

"_Oh my God, Spinelli you're a mess. Here let me help." She said stepping closer to him bringing the rag up to his face she began gently stroking the side of his cheek._

"_Thanks. I am indeed in need of some cleansing. I can't believe how juicy those disgusting things are." Spinelli said taking the opportunity while she was busy cleaning him up to really look at her. He marveled at her loveliness. She was simply stunning and he was with her. Standing this close to her being able to smell her, feel the heat from her body radiating against his, he was in heaven. He couldn't take his eyes from her._

"_It's no problem. I can handle a little mess, I like mess." She said looking up to meet his gaze as she began dragging the rag along the side of his neck._

"_I do believe you can handle anything, Maximista." Spinelli said in a sincere tone giving her a look that made her melt, ever so slightly. His complete and utter belief in her made her speechless and caused her stomach to do cartwheels. As they continued to gaze into each others eyes, Maxie broke the trance and moved away making a b-line for the sink. She was flustered and Spinelli could tell. Spinelli stood there not knowing what to say when he was startled out of his thoughts by Maxie raising the volume on the kitchen radio. The relaxing sounds of Ray LaMontagne's "You are the Best Thing" surrounded them._

"_Oooh I love this song. Come on Spinelli dance with me. Pleeease?" If Maxie was feeling flustered she certainly wasn't showing any signs of it now, maybe he had misinterpreted their heated gaze just moments ago. It was entirely possible that he was just projecting what he was feeling onto her in hopes that he might see it reflected back at him. _

"_Dance? Now? I don't know, the kitchen's kind of small and the lord of the dance I am not." Spinelli said shyly, as Maxie was already swaying and making her way to him. Spinelli had no desire to enlighten Maxie about yet another department he was lacking in but not taking no for an answer, Maxie grabbed his arm and pulled him to her._

"_Oh come on. It's not hard. I'll show you." She said placing his hands on her waist and then putting her hands against his shoulders as they began to gently twist to the music. One of her legs slipped between his as they continued to move in sync._

"_See. It's not so hard." She breathed, bringing herself closer resting her head against his shoulder. They gently swayed together neither one saying a word, just enjoying the feeling of one another. Spinelli let his mind wander to thoughts of her and him. Together. One day being able to look into her eyes and see love staring back. To get to be the one that got to call her his, that was a dream he rarely let himself ponder over. Some things were better left alone. It was better to think she maybe could possibly love him rather than to know for sure she didn't, Spinelli was sure there would be no coming back from such heartbreak. _

_He felt silly even contemplating it, to even think that Maxie could ever be his. He dismissed the notion, she deserved better. Better than him and definitely better than the world he existed in. A fool's game and what a fool he was. She was perfection and he was at the far end of that spectrum, her opposite if one felt so inclined._

_But like any reliable junkie with an addiction, it wasn't long before he was back to her. His mind was barely able to occupy anything other than thoughts of her, his Maximista. He didn't think he had it in him to hold such possessive emotions but then again he'd never really been in the position to know such a thing. When it came to her he couldn't help himself. It wasn't like he went around "capping" guys that dare gaze upon such perfected beauty, a beauty that no mere mortal should be able to bask in without bursting into flame in the same instant. Was that too much to ask? He conceded that he was not worthy of such flawlessness but, then again, neither was any other man that dared darken her doorstep. _

"_Maxie, I-" he stopped to look at her noticing her trying to hide a giggle "What?"_

"_You still have some tomato juice under you lip." She gave a laugh. "Here, let me get it for you." _

_Maxie brought her finger up and wiped at the wet skin under his bottom lip. Letting her finger trail down to his chin she brought her thumb up and smoothed it across his bottom lip. Their bodies were still gently swaying to the music and their heads were angled close together. She shifted her gaze from his lips to his eyes only to find him staring directly back into hers. Before either knew what was happening their bodies collided and their lips met in a slow dizzying kiss. Their motions were sluggish and smooth as they both took their time worshipping the other. Both of them loving the feel of their tongues sliding against each other. Lost in the feeling and intimacy of the moment, their lips met over and over again, sucking and nibbling when they couldn't get enough. Getting drunk off the way the other tasted finding it impossible to be satisfied. Spinelli's hands were on either side of her face tilting her head giving him better access as Maxie let her fingers run through his soft hair._

"_Mmm…you taste like tomato" she whispered as he pulled his head away only to have his lips come crashing back against hers in another searing kiss. This kiss felt different, more urgent than the last. He was putting all he had into it and it was making her weak. He was desperately trying to open her eyes to him, to needed her to see how good they were together. Just when she thought her legs might give out she felt Spinelli's arms holding her tight against him giving her some much needed support._

"_I think I'm going to have to rethink my stance on tomatoes," his mouth was hovering achingly close to hers as he leaned in and stole a kiss letting his tongue gently slide along her top lip as he pulled back. A pensive look settled over his features as he smacked his lips together licking them, "Mmm yes tomatoes have definitely been favorited." _

"_That was easy." She said, letting their breath mingle for the briefest of moments before grabbing the back of his head and bringing his mouth to hers in a sweet kiss. _

"_Maxie…."she had her eyes closed still reeling from the heat of that moment a smile began to play on her lips as she could feel his breath on her lips. Sending chills throughout her body she slowly opened her eyes to look up at him._

"_Maxie…help me" she screamed as she looked up and saw Spinelli standing there no longer looking the way he did before instead he stood there with his face covered in cuts and gashes, he looked like he had been badly beaten. The whites of his eyes were filled with blood and his lips were busted up as the red substance flowed from his nose._

"Spinelli!! Spinelli…no…Spin."

Suddenly she was awake. She didn't recognize her surroundings and didn't understand why Spinelli had disappeared until she looked over at Jason, who was giving her a confused look. Then it all came back to her. Spinelli was missing. It was a dream; she must have fallen asleep during the car ride. They had decided to check out an abandon building just outside of town in hopes of finding some answers as to where Spinelli was.

"You okay?" Jason said keeping his eyes on the road.

"Um yeah, yeah." Maxie said looking out her window.

"Bad dream?"

"I guess." Maxie was still shaken from the image of Spinelli. She couldn't get it out of her head. "It was a memory but at the end….at the end Spinelli was hurt and he had blood all over his face. He looked so helpless, he begged me to help him." Tears began to slide down her face.

"Oh God, he's hurt and in pain an-and I don't know where he is." Maxie couldn't control the sobs that started escaping from her with every intake of air.

"Maxie, it was just a dream. I'm sure Spinelli's fine. They need him for something it wouldn't make sense for them to harm him." Jason said reassuring Maxie as well as himself. "We're going to find him. I promise you. We'll find him." Jason said looking away from the road to make eye contact with her, letting her see how serious he was. Taking his eyes from the road in that instant Jason missed the dark colored towncar that had been shadowing them, switch lanes a couple cars behind them.

Arriving back at the warehouse, Petrov entered the still dark building. He made his way through the blackness to stand in front of Spinelli who was still out. He lit a cigarette and held his lighter up to Spinelli's body trying to get a better look at what had been done. Walking around behind him he came to an abrupt stop as he eyed the damage to his back and side.

"Bruno! You idiot, he's still bleeding. Get your big ass out here, you incompetent waste. And get some light in this shit hole" he barked continuing his inspection of the exhausted body in front of him.

"What part of I want him alive didn't you understand? Wash him down and tend to his wounds before we lose him." He stopped his retreat from the room as he turned back to look at his associate. "Oh and Bruno, if he dies" he paused to take a hit of his cigarette "so do you. I'll be back in an hour. Have him ready" he said slipping from the building.

Walking to the door Bruno opened it and stepped outside. As soon as the door closed it was thrown open again this time Bruno was dragging a garden hose with him. Muttering profanities under his breath he took hold of the hose and aimed it at Spinelli's hanging form. Turning the knob at the end of the hose a sudden burst of water caught Spinelli square in the chest as he moaned bringing him back to consciousness. The water felt freezing and only intensified the pain he felt. A little relieved to find that he wasn't dead yet, the pain enveloping him was a constant reminder that he still had a chance and he wasn't done yet. Spinelli was coughing and hacking struggling to find air amidst the water. After what seemed like an eternity the water stopped.

"You clean up nice, boy." Bruno said with a smirk. Spinelli had no idea what was next for him and as he hung there he held no fear. He was empty. He didn't have the energy to feel anything, let alone fear. He looked up just in time to see Bruno bring something down on his head instantly knocking him out.

Bruno took the keys from his pocket and unlocked the handcuffs that held Spinelli. He let his body fall to the floor as he retrieved the handcuffs. Hoisting Spin's body over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, Bruno made his way to the only other room in the warehouse.

Spinelli woke up screaming. He was flat on his stomach with straps holding his legs and arms in place. His cheek was pressed firmly against the cold steel surface of a table.

"Aw you're awake. I had a feeling you'd be coming around" Bruno said holding a red hot knife inches away from Spinelli's face. "You see the boss doesn't want you dead just yet but my tendency to do a job well done has left me in quite the predicament as you almost gave up on me. You can thank me later for saving your life." He said with a laugh "Hmm? What's that you say? That smell? Yes take a deep breath let the smell of your wasted flesh sizzling against the hot metal of my blade invade your senses." He found himself to be quite amusing as he continued laughing in Spinelli's face.

"You're going to die" Spinelli's voice was low and hoarse. Bruno's laughing quieted for a moment as he looked upon Spinelli with seriousness.

"I'm going to die?" Bruno asked pointing to himself. "I don't think you are in any position to make such remarks. Do you?" he said bringing the hot blade of the knife against the bleeding flesh of one of his open wounds, searing it closed. Bringing his face even with Spinelli's, Bruno expected to see pure agony embedded in his features but instead he was met with a blank stare.

"I'm going to kill you." Spinelli's was looking directly into Bruno's eyes like he had nothing better to do right then than to stare at this beast of a man, refusing to look away.

"So Damian, you survived." Petrov spoke from the doorway pulling the gloves from his hands.

"Boss I was just about to put him in the chair-"

"Silence Bruno! Just do it, I won't tolerate this incompetence any further." Petrov spoke directly into the face of Bruno spit landing just below his eye. He begrudgingly began unstrapping Spinelli lifting him for the transfer.

"Did you cauterize the wounds that were still bleeding?"

"Yes, boss" Bruno replied as he finished strapping Spinelli's legs to the chair. He was about to put his arms in restraints when Petrov told him not to.

"I don't think we need to go to all the effort he looks pretty spent to me" he said, pulling Spinelli's hair back and lifting his head from his chest exposing his battered face, "You do good work, Bruno."

"It was good to have silence upon arriving here today. Your pathetic screams were getting to be quite tiresome." Petrov said resting against the table in front of where Spinelli was sitting. "You know come to think of it" he looked to Bruno "Bruno, don't his screams sound oddly familiar? I just know I've heard it somewhere before. Pffff- I just can't place it. Wait…I know, Damian will you help me out for a second?" Petrov asked with a devious smile. He moved to Spinelli and pressed his finger into one of the wounds on his shoulder. Spinelli let out a hollow yell as Petrov twisted his finger before removing it from his body.

"Aw yes now I remember" bringing his face right next to Spinelli's ear he spoke his next words in an amused tone, "You sound just like your mother did right before I killed the filthy whore."

"No…no…no" Spinelli was weak and his arms felt like lead weights. Tears dropped from his face as he cried for a woman he couldn't really remember.

"Ah ha I think you know this to be true, Damian. I never lie. Just like when I tell you about how a very attractive blonde girl made my acquaintance today. Where did I meet here again? Oh yes it was at Mr. Morgan's penthouse. You know Damian; it is not very gentlemanly to leave such a pretty thing waiting. Something could happen to her. She could answer the door in a robe and not suspect a thing" he said with a cocky smirk.

Spinelli tried to lunge forward at him but his efforts were thwarted as Bruno grabbed him by the arms and held him down in the chair. "If you hurt her…" Spinelli didn't finish his sentence as he was finding it hard to breathe and talk.

"She was very accommodating. She satisfied me in every way" leaning in once again, "She went quickly, not like your mother, barely even made a sound. A scream or two, a moan here or there, or w-were those coming from me?" he said tapping his finger against his chin, "I just don't know anymore, Damian. It all runs together in my mind now. I just remember one big rush of emotions. I'm sure she enjoyed herself till the very end." He let out a laugh that was stolen from the devil himself.

"You're dead! You're dead! Oh God….no no…Maxie" Spinelli voice was hoarse and broken, he was helpless to stop the tears that poured from him as a different more excruciating pain took hold of him. His sobs became so intense he was unable to stop the bile that rose up in his throat at the thought of Maxie's last moments at the hands of this mad man. Petrov quickly stepped back and ordered Bruno to get something to clean him up. Looking on him with disgust, Petrov leaned in once more so close he could almost smell the anguish on him.

"Don't worry, Damian. You'll be together soon enough."

"Die!" Before Petrov could comprehend what was happening, Spinelli had lunged at him knocking them both against the table. Spinelli's legs were still secured to the chair and as he fell to the floor he pulled Petrov down with him. They struggled, for Petrov's gun, for what seemed like an eternity when a shot rang out. They both stilled and looked at each other. Petrov fell back as he held his gut and screamed. Spinelli sat up his legs still tangled in the chair but never taking the gun off Petrov. He quickly scooted back against the wall knowing that Bruno would be coming in at any moment.

"You shot me! You're a dead man. Bruno!" Spinelli raised the gun and cocked it back bringing his finger to his lips warning him to keep quiet. Bruno rushed into the room immediately going to his fallen boss.

"You idiot! Your gun, he's behind you!" Bruno turned around and was immediately met with a bullet to his head.

Spinelli was sitting up against the wall shaking and his breathing was erratic. He never thought he'd be in this life or death struggle. Never imagined himself taking someone's life but it was him or them and it was no longer going to be him. He saw his opportunity and he had to take it. They had pushed him to this, turned him into this lifeless killer. He had nothing left to live for so why should they? Daniil Petrov had taken everything from him and now he was going to pay but first Petrov was going to tell him why.

Holding a small wheel from a child's bicycle in her hand she walked back to the front of the gas station. Normally she wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this let alone use its facilities but desperate times called for desperate measures. Thanking the clerk as she pushed the glass door open she was barely out the door when she heard gunfire. She fell to the ground getting as flat as possible as she looked around in a panic. Finally she caught site of Jason, who was positioned on the side of their range rover. Jason looked at Maxie and signaled for her to stay down. When the shooting ceased they heard the car peel out. Jason was on his feet and shouting at Maxie.

"Maxie you stay here and call the police! I'm going after them they have to know where Spinelli is." Before he could finish his sentence Maxie was opening the passenger door and hopping in.

"Maxie, we don't have time for this. They're getting away!"

"So drive! I'm not getting out of this car. Don't you dare let them get away, Jason. This could be our only chance." Jason didn't hesitate any longer he knew he had no choice. They had to catch that car or the chances of finding Spinelli dropped drastically.

The two lane highway they had been traveling on had been a hassle earlier but now Jason was thankful for it. The towncar had a big lead on them but thanks to the deserted highway they could see them in the distance and as long as they were in view there was still hope. Jason accelerated to 102 mph and Maxie who was sitting up straight against her seat gripping her seatbelt for dear life with her eyes shut tight started making deals with God on their behalf.

As Jason started getting close the towncar started opening fire on them again. Jason pushed Maxie's head down and he did his best to duck and steer them out of it. Never taking his foot off the accelerator he took it to the floor and his front bumper started to align with the towncar's back tire.

"Hold on!" Jason said as he jerked the wheel to the right sending their car crashing into the back tire of the towncar. The momentum of the towncar sent it tumbling down the road on its side. Although the front end of their car was damaged, Maxie and Jason were both no worse for wear.

As the dust settled, Jason unhooked his seatbelt and told Maxie to stay down and wait in the car. Pulling his gun out of the waist of his jeans he crouched down as he approached the wreck. Seeing the driver climbing from the car, Jason grabbed him by his suit collar and started dragging him backwards. They made it a few feet back when the car exploded. The force of the blast sent Jason to the asphalt. Hearing the sound of the explosion, Maxie's head shot up and surveyed the road ahead. Relief washed over her at the sight of Jason and another figure lying in the middle of the road. She watched as Jason got to his knees and shoved his gun under the other guys chin. She couldn't hear what they were saying but if body language was any kind of give away she could tell Jason was having no trouble getting the information they were after.

Looking down in hopes of locating her cell phone she rummaged around in her purse. The sound of the gun shot startled her as she let out a little yelp. She looked out the window at Jason who was now walking towards her, just behind him the still figure of a man in a lifeless pile in the middle of the two lane highway. Her mouth hung open as the seriousness of this situation hit her like a ton of bricks. When Jason reached the car neither one said a word as they sped off towards Spinelli.

Freeing his legs from their confines he slowly got to his feet. He crumpled a bit as he tried to hold himself up he grabbed the table and pulled himself against it as he aimed the gun directly at the bleeding man on the floor. Petrov kept his hand pressed to his stomach wound and he leaned against the wall, never taking his eyes from Spinelli.

"You look like her." Petrov spoke trying to mask the pain.

"Shut your mouth." Spinelli words came out slow and even, his hands were shaking. "Don't talk about her. You don't get to talk about her!" Petrov let out a laugh as he tilted his head back so he could lean it against the wall.

"I do not wish to talk about such worthless filth; I was merely stating a fact, Damian."

"Save your facts for the afterlife. I just want to know one thing and you better answer me or so help me God I'll make these last minutes the longest of your life." Spinelli said ignoring his pain focusing only on surviving these next few minutes then he could just let go. He could just let go and stop trying so hard. He was tired but he had to finish this. "Why?"

"Why what, Damian? There are so many answers to such a question."

"No more! Answer me!" Spinelli was met with a cruel cackle.

"Poor poor Damian so angry, so lost. Perhaps you are more like your father than I thought. Do it, Damian pull the trigger and end me.

"Answer me"

"You are the answer, Damian. You always have been from the moment you escaped your mother's fate."

Looking at the stranger sitting in front of him he started to speak in a cold calm manner that left no room for remorse. "On second thought, answers always were overrated."

"Say it. Say it one more time." Spinelli spoke softly, slowly bringing the gun up leveling it at his head. "say it"

"Say what, Dam-" He was cut off by the feel of the barrel of the gun being pressed against his head.

"Say what you said about my mother you son of a bitch!" Spinelli snapped placing both hands on the gun, his tight grip on the gun matching the intensity he was feeling on the inside. His guts were on fire at any moment they could burst forth leaving his shell to drop lifeless to the floor ending it once and for all. Spinelli steeled himself ready for what was to come, for the outcome he had planned. He was going to be the one to finish this. His face was red and flushed but he stood solid unwavering in his intent. But perhaps what chilled Petrov the most was the absence of tears streaming down his broken face. A face that looked foreign without them. Petrov scanned his eyes trying to get a read on him but his eyes held no light and it was then that Petrov could see that he had indeed succeeded; he had taken him for his own. Pushed him to the brink and now he stood there teetering on the verge. The excitement he felt for this moment almost couldn't be contained. He had waited many years for this moment, when Damian would finally step up to the challenge and be a man. It did not matter if he died for this cause for he would be set free and it would be Damian who sat in a prison of his own making for the rest of his life. Either way he had won. Petrov kept going over the turn of events and he couldn't find the downside. Thinking he had won he let himself revel in that one shinning truth. But still he did not speak he just smiled in satisfaction.

"Say it again so I can ease a little pressure onto this trigger and end you like the piece of shit you are." He spoke evenly as he looked directly into his eyes. Before Spinelli could comprehend what Petrov had uttered he had squeezed the trigger. The impact of the shot made Petrov's body slam against the wall, as he lay dying he took one last look at Spinelli just as the realization of what Petrov had said finally hit him.

"What?" Spinelli's plea came out on a whisper as a tear slipped from his eye, "What did you say?!" he said stepping from the table and falling to his knees as he gripped the dying mans shirt and shook him.

"You're my son, Damian." Petrov said with his last breath.


	7. The Biggest Lie

Holy Moly! It's been a while since I last updated and for that I'm sooo sorry. I'm really going to try to have the updates up more consistently. Never again will it be months between updates. It makes the story drag, people lose interest and I can't do my fellow Spixies like that. :) Especially when we are finally starting to see some movement on our screens, you know with the "real" Spixie story. I can't wait, I'm so pumped. lol

Oh and this has no baring on the story but I just have to say, I think I hate SOC now. It's become like some JoMax worship board or something. The place just pisses me off. Bah, I just had to share. But anyway, on with the show. Hope you like because it would suck if you were waiting all this time and it was a dissappointment. lmao Yeah that would suck some big time booty. Let me know what you think....

Everyone enjoy the crap out of next week! Viva la Spixie!

********

_"No Daniil, he's just a baby! I won't let you take him."_

"_Silly whore, I have no use for the boy. Trash like his mother." Backing her up against the wall he brought the knife to her throat as he stroked his nose along the side of her neck, bringing his mouth to rest against her ear he spoke softly. _

"_First you and I are going to have a little fun" he said with a chuckle, "then I'll see about that little bastard of yours. Such a mockery to the Petrov bloodline can not be allowed to live. This atrocity ends today. Did you really think I would let a waste like you bare MY child?" millimeters from her face the disgust was more than evident as his thick words slithered from him. _

"_Did you think you could hide forever?! From me? I'm Petrov!" he said as grabbed a lamp and threw it across the room, shattering it against the wall. Sliding his hand through his hair he silently fought to maintain control._

"_Please Daniil, don't do this. I'll do whatever you want, just leave Damian alone." _

"_Damian? Not a bad name"he took a moment bringing his forearm against her chest as he held her in place, "maybe I'll use it for my real son. Hm, what do you think about that?" he said with a snicker, feeding on the fear that was pouring from her. _

_As she looked away in disgust, she caught a glimpse of Damian peeking in from the other room. He looked petrified, his tear stained face was flushed and soon Daniil would be alerted to his presence. The panic grew in her until she thought she would burst. She couldn't contain herself, maybe she could hold Daniil off long enough for Damian to make a run for it. It was his only chance. Closing her eye's for the slightest of seconds, she said a silent prayer on her son's behalf. _

"_Damian! Run!" the shock from her screech almost made Petrov drop the knife but as he steadied himself he looked back and saw the look of horror on the little boys face, his small legs still rooted to the floor. Flashing him a grin he turned back to his current task at hand. Bringing the knife up, he looked directly into her eyes as he slid the blade across her throat. _

"_Don't worry about the boy, you'll see him soon." He let go and she slid down the wall her hands clasped tightly over her wound._

_Taking a moment, Petrov reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. He carefully wiped the blood from his face and mouth. A slow smile played on his lips as he wiped his blade clean. The second he dropped the cloth from his hand he felt an impact on his legs. He looked down and saw Damian hitting and kicking with all his might. Petrov admired the boy for a moment. Placing the knife in his belt, he reached down and grabbed him. Lifting him so that they were face to face, they both stilled for a moment. _

_Petrov caught the glimmer of the shard of glass just as Damian brought it down across his face. He dropped Damian and grabbed for his eye screaming in pain. _

"_Ahhh! Little shit! Ahh! My eye..oh God!" Petrov writhed in pain as he tossed about on the floor._

_The second Damian hit the floor he made his way over to his mother. She was now lying on her side with one hand on her throat the other limp at her side. Her skin was turning pale and the blood was seeping through her fingers, her vacant eyes caste downward. Damian draped himself over her side as he pleaded for her to get up. He started to shake her as his pleas became more insistent, his terrified screams filled the house._

""_Mommy…mommy! Wake up! We gotta go mommy, pleeease mommy, wake up! Mommy...please" _

_The distant sound of sirens crept their way into the small room. Petrov used the wall to steady himself as he got to his feet. With one hand firmly fastened to his eye he turned to take in the scene before him. The wale of the sirens grew louder, signifying mere seconds before their arrival. And just as suddenly as he had appeared, just like that, Daniil Petrov was gone._

_Some hours later...._

_The old woman's cries cut through the thick night air like a razer sharp blade. The static electricity moved around them like a current creating an earthy buzz. Putting everyone on edge knowing a storm was imminent. Damian sat in the back of the squad car bundled up, too numb to hear or feel anything. His attention waining, lost in his own thoughts silently reinforcing the walls that had started to construct themselves around his heart. A little boy who had seen too much to stay a child but was too young to be a man._

_The woman's prolonged 'no' was deafening, pure agony and as he looked over he saw she was wearing a face to match. Grabbing onto the officer as she began pleading for a mistake. Her old form seemed to break under the weight as she crumpled to the floor, she had lost her daughter and he his mother the pain seemed endless and as their eyes met, their faces mirror images of the other, the lightning cracked and lit up the sky as it began to rain, making it seem that if there was a God, he too was feeling the loss. _

*******

Spinelli woke up to the feel of something damp and lumpy beneath his cheek. As he pushed up with his arms he opened his eyes and was met with Petrov's lifeless gaze. His fathers eyes. Eyes that were now hollow, whatever spark that had lay deep within was now extinguished. Spinelli was stuck in time, trapped in a dead man's stare. Petrov's face was freckled with specks of blood which smeared across his face, making for an eerily beautiful contrast set against the paling of his skin. The red streaks mingled together in an unholy design.

Spinelli's bottom lip trembled, much like the rest of his body but his glare was unwavering, as if he were trying to determine the truth behind the lifeless orbs, trying to make sense of it. Desperately searching for that one detail that would suddenly make everything make sense again. If he could just pull that one straw of knowledge out everything would magically fall into place. Knowledge was power, if there was anything in this world that Spinelli understood it was that. He lived his life along those lines, he'd spent the greater part of his life trying to attain such greatness, he was the Jackal of Cyberspace after all.

The defiant tears hastened their way down his face mixing with the sweat and blood that had been his constant companions throughout the ordeal. His chest still heaving, Spinelli gripped the back of Petrov's head bringing his forehead to his, torn between the father he'd always wanted and the savage captuer he'd known.

He was frozen to this moment, the weight of it all coming to rest upon him. Suddenly finding it harder to breath, he became panicked as he grabbed at his own face and fell backwards. Getting to his feet the room seemed to be moving , spinning all around him as he fumbled towards the door. He needed out of this place, away from the smell of death that now filled the abandoned building. Spinelli couldn't find the outer door fast enough as he shuffled through the dark space,losing his balance but catching himself on the floor with one hand as he kept his pace towards the exit. Bursting through the door he fell to his knees trying to catch his breath. The night enveloped him as he knelt there with his head hung low, his body trembling from the effort his lungs were exerting.

Spinelli's mind and body were exhausted, still something inside him wouldn't let him sit still. He was propelled up, he had to keep moving. Sitting still wasn't an option his mind was racing with incomprehensible thoughts. Petrov was his father. His father was a cold blooded killer who murdered his mother, who tortured him...who, who- without warning his mind was bombarded with thoughts of Maxie. During the struggle, with the new revelations somehow he had forgotten about Maxie. Petrov killed her. She was gone. The thoughts hit him like a slug to the chest. After all that he had been through, all that he had survived he was sure the pain would end now. But now, what he was feeling couldn't be classified as pain, surely there wasn't a word yet invented that could encompass all that was happening inside him at this moment, the moment he realized that Maxie was dead. Everything that had been clouding up his mind lifted, all thoughts of hope and survival were banished from his being.

The gravel cut into the bottom of his feet as he began to run, his legs ached but never slowed. He didn't know where the strength had come from nor did he care, he needed to be away from there, anywhere but there. The night crackled to life as he ran down the middle of the two-lane highway. The sound of his steps against the pavement reverberated in his ears. Maxie's face was etched into his mind much like it would if you closed your eyes after staring at the sun for too long.

Spinelli's lungs were on fire, every new gasp of air felt like choking on a fireball. Unable to ignore his bodies pleas any longer he came to a stop in the middle of the road. His hands clasped onto his knees as he desperately fought for air. His breathing steadied as he took in his surroundings. He had stopped on the middle of a bridge, underneath him were thousands of gallons of rushing water. He wandered over to the rail and looked below. It was pitch black, nothing was visible to the naked eye but the sound of the current spoke volumes, an answer to a question he had yet to pose.

He clung to the rail as if his life depended on it. The sound of his broken sobs were foreign to him as he pleaded with God on Maxie's behalf.

His pleas quickly turned to angry curses leveled at God and the universe, everything that once made sense didn't anymore. Everything was different now. Spinelli's mind was useless and as the memories of them together swirled around him echoing the path that his heart had taken long ago, he was helpless to stop his heart from shattering. His hands still holding the rail, his grip tightening with each passing moment. Sobs racked his body as images of what could have been Maxie's last moments played over and over like a broken reel in his mind. His knees buckled and he crumpled to the ground. Hands still firmly attached to the rail, his head hung in defeat, Spinelli's sobs turned silent as his mouth was left agape, his face twisted in agony as he felt the bile rise within him once again.

"Is this the place?" Maxie took in the abandoned warehouse from her perch in the passenger seat of Jason's car. Jason had cut the lights upon turning down the deserted gravel road that meandered its way through the field down to the old decrepit building, the only road in or out. The place looked quiet, no movement on the outside. As it stood there was only one car parked on the side of the warehouse.

"This is it." Jason said reaching across Maxie, opening the glove box and grabbing a black box from inside.

"Okay, Maxie-" as he spoke he opened the black box, pulling out a gun he started loading it. "Stay here, I'm going to go down there and check things out."

"But I-"

"No,Maxie! You're staying in the car and keeping out of sight. I'm leaving the keys with you, if anything goes wrong, anything at all, you get out of here. You understand me? You'll do nobody any good dead." Jason's voice was hushed but deadly serious.

"Okay but Jason-" as she moved over to the drivers seat and took her crouched position she grabbed Jason's arm just as he went to shut the door. "Please don't let anything go wrong."

As she watched him make his way down to the warehouse she said a silent prayer for what seemed like the millionth time. Her eyes constantly scanned the area for signs of life, signs of anything but there was nothing. Just as Jason slipped into the building a shiver ran up her spine. Minutes later she saw Jason come back through the door and signal for her to come down with the car.

Pulling in next to the other vehicle, she shut off the engine and jumped out.

"What's going on? Is he in there? Where is he?"

"I need your cell phone, I can't get any signal here on mine. Come on let's get back in the car and head out. He's not here." Jason was acting funny, even for him and Maxie could sense it.

"What's going on? What did you see inside?" she said making her way to the door and yanking it open. Jason's hand came up against the door pushing it shut.

"This isn't the place. We're wasting time here, we should get moving."

"Okay, you make that call and I'll just take a quick look." Grabbing for the door once again she turned back to look at Jason as she spoke, "See the fact that you don't want me in here so bad is the exact same reason I'm going in there."

Feeling the defeat settle over him, Jason slowly removed his arm from her path as he spoke his next words carefully.

"Maxie...there are two people dead inside." As he said the words he watched Maxie's face twist in horror. Seeing the distress on her face he quickly added, "Neither one is Spinelli but I think this is where he was."

"How do you know that?" Maxie asked desperately.

"His clothes and the bag he carries are in there."

"What? His clothes?Jason you were just going to have us leave and what? Hmm? What, I'd just never find out?" Maxie asked incredulously.

"God Jason, we are in this together until we find Spinelli safe and sound. Don't go around trying to protect me, if it has to do with Spinelli then I need to know about it." Maxie spoke through the mix of emotions now surging through her.

"Maxie there is nothing in there you need to see. I was trying to spare you. Trust me, there are some things that no one should ever have to see because once you've seen them they can never be taken back." Jason spoke looking directly into her eyes, obviously still trying to keep her from going in.

"Spinelli wouldn't want that for you." Jason spoke sincerely. Taking a gulp to wet her suddenly parched throat, she spoke softly.

"I understand Jason but I have to know what went on in there. If Spinelli was in there, I have to go in there...I just need to know." She finished pulling open the door, she stepped inside the dark building. Knowing but not quite prepared for what she was about to see.

A few minutes later Maxie burst out of the door. Tears stinging her eyes as she fought to block out the images of Spinelli being held captive in such an awful place. All that blood. There was too much blood. She was sure that the smell of the place would never wash out of her clothes. That smell was sure to plague her for as long as she lived. She let the tears come as worry started to grip her insides. Thinking of Spinelli in a place like that made her physically sick. Her mind raced with different scenarios that could have led up to what she saw in there but there was one thought that stood out in her mind among all the others, if he wasn't here then where was he?

Coming up behind her, Jason put his arm around her, pulling her to him. She was surprised by how much she welcomed the reassuring contact. Glad that she hadn't been alone for this, like Spinelli had been. What had they done to him in that horrible place? She wished she could somehow turn her mind off.

"Where is he, Jason?" Her words were muffled as she spoke into the side of his chest.

" I don't know but it's a good sign that he's not here. You said that Petrov was one of the bodies in there, right?" Jason said as Maxie stepped away from him.

"Yeah, he was in there." Maxie said hopefully.

"So maybe Spinelli escaped. I think that's what we should be taking from this. He must be making his way back into town. We've got to keep looking." Jason tried his best to keep the worry out of his tone but all the while his guts were being tied in knots. Of course, there was no way of knowing whether or not it was a good sign that two men were dead and Spinelli was no where to be found. Not to mention the brutal nature of what they had encountered in the old decrepit building. Or the fact that there was a car parked on the side of the building and what, Spinelli just forgot to take it when he escaped? No this wasn't a good sign at all but worrying Maxie wasn't going to do any good.

The stories those walls could tell,he couldn't help but wonder what they would say about Spinelli's time there. He could only imagine. He felt an anger rise inside of him that he hadn't known before. Jason never wanted this for Spinelli and yet he was sure that somehow he was the one to blame.

"What should we do? Where should we go?" Opening the passenger door she hopped in. Jason turned to her as he fastened his seatbelt.

"Let's head back into town and get the police in on this. We are going to need all the help we can get." And if he was going to be able to do any real searching he would need to be doing it alone, definitely not with an emotionally charged blond who wasn't taking no for an answer.

"I'll call Mac." Maxie grabbed her phone as Jason turned the car around and headed back down the lonely dirt road.

********

Standing up on the rail, staring both life and death in the teeth, Spinelli felt the cool night air brush across his body sending a shiver through him. The ache that once filled every crevice of his body had now taken on a more subdued state. The hair hanging in his face swayed back and forth along his brow. The sensation made him think of all the times Maxie had brushed the hair from his face. Closing his eyes so he could better believe the lie, he imagined it was her hand gently moving over his brow. A small smile played on his face as a memory washed over him.

"_Spinelli" Maxie said his name on a playful whine, "when are you going to let me give you a haircut?" she questioned, playing with the ends of his hair._

"_The Jackal knows not. The length of his hair is most desirable." he spoke never taking his eyes from his computer. _

"_I guess you're right but-" placing her hand on his cheek she gently aimed his face towards her. Using her other hand she brushed his hair across his face as she continued to speak, "it takes away from this beautiful face of yours." Maxie finished with a smile so bright it seemed to touch her eyes. _

Spinelli touched his forehead trailing the path that Maxie's hand had taken so many times before. The tears started to drop from his face into the dark below. The Jackal understood many things but he would never understand a world without her. Looking up into the sky he gazed at the brightest of them all and made a silent wish.

*********

Glancing up from her seat her face etched with concern, Maxie found herself looking up into the clear night sky as the vehicle sailed down the road. Seeing all the bright stars twinkling in the sky, she couldn't help but think of Spinelli and his love of astronomy. There had been several times she had witnessed him wishing upon a star. At the time she thought it was sweet and endearing but useless nonetheless. But at this very moment she couldn't think of anything more fitting, she would gladly be made the fool if it meant finding Spinelli. Looking up to the heavens she threw logic out the window as she wished upon the brightest star she could find.

"Hey, slow down....what's that?" Maxie said from her side of the car. Jason looked over as the vehicle slowed.

"Oh my God, someone's on the railing!" Maxie looked to Jason, fear evident on her face.

Maxie pushed herself from the car, coming to rest a few feet from the figure on the rail. It was completely dark and visibility was poor at best. These old farming roads were infamous for their bad lighting and when the fog settled on the ground it made for a creepy sight to say the least. What she could make out was that it was a man and he was shirtless and disturbingly still. His head hung low as the wind played with the ends of his hair. As her eye's scanned along the figure, her hands flew to her mouth gasping in horror at the wounds and dried blood that formed little pathways down the length of his back.

Jason came to stand beside her taking in the scene before them. Jason's stomach began to turn as a sickening feeling stirred inside him. 'No, it couldn't be', Jason silently dismissed the thought that streaked through his mind.

"Hey buddy, how about you come down from there?" Jason spoke carefully, keeping his voice as calm as possible, doing his best not to startle him into plunging head first off the bridge.

Spinelli didn't even flinch at the words. He didn't seem to hear them as he was lost in his own thoughts, thoughts of Maxie, of jumping. He knew he should be feeling something right now but he was thankful for the overwhelming numbness that seemed to have devoured him. Completely numb except the pounding in his heart and the all encompassing pain that now dwelt there, the pain that he knew would never subside. He needed to be with Maxie.

Suddenly, as if the heaven's had opened up and shown him the way, he knew what he had to do. He had to fix this most heinous error the universe made by allowing her light to go out. It allowed the wrong person to be taken, punished the wrong person for sins that were his, sins of his father.

The monster that had given him life had taken hers. Maxie was dead because of him. There was no way around it. If it weren't for knowing him she would still be alive, he did this to her. The Constant Commissioner had been right all along. He had doomed her the day he let her into his life. But he hadn't had a choice back then, he was unable to push her away. He wasn't strong enough for her, he should have been strong enough to let her go, then she'd still be alive.

Was it ever really in his hands? Fate had turned out to be a cruel unforgiving bitch, to dangle in front of him the one thing he had always longed for just to rip it away. A family, finally finding somewhere he belonged. That's what Maxie had given him. It's what they'd built together the past year, he finally found where he belonged, where ever she was.

Was he really expected to give that up? He spent the greater part of his life alone, always living life on the outskirts of social society. Always looking in, never getting a glimpse of the view out. But then, as if someone or something had finally given him the go ahead to be happy, really happy it was all pulled out from under him. The past had a nasty way of coming back to haunt you, if only he'd known the impact that statement would come to have on his life.

The thoughts made him sick as he choked on them, coughing and gasping as he held his stomach. He stared down into the blackness, into the soothing sound of rushing water, the sound of his salvation.

"I'm sorry, Maxie." His voice was faint and shaky as he edged his feet ever closer to the free fall. His toes gripped the railing as his body tensed.

"Spinelli?" She approached the figure cautiously trying not to startle him. Jason tried to grab her arm as she moved towards him but she brushed him off. As she moved closer her eyes grew wide with concern as she realized the man standing on the railing about to jump, bloodied and broken, was Spinelli.

"Oh my God, Spinelli..." Maxie's hands once again flew to her mouth as tears started to form in her eyes. "It's me, it's Maximista. Please come down from there. "

"It's okay, Maxie." Spinelli never moved as he spoke into the cold night air. "I'm not afraid anymore."His voice was so soft and broken the sounds of the night almost drowned him out. "Soon we'll be together again."

"Spinelli, I'm right here...please you have to come down. You're scaring me." Maxie voice was desperate and thick with tears, he couldn't seem to comprehend that it was her that she was right there with him. She needed him to come down, she needed to wrap him in her arms and feel that he was safe.

"I never should have left you. I broke my promise, I'm so sorry, Maxie." fresh tears made their way down his face, "But you broke yours too...you said you'd never leave but you're gone. You left me." The raw emotion in his tone made her tremble.

"I never left you and I never will." She pleaded with him, her eyes burned as her tears refused to cease. "Don't you dare leave me now. I love you, Spinelli." Maxie hiccuped as she spoke. She had never been so scared in her life. It was unbelievable how much she loved him, how she had been blind to it for so long she would never know.

"I love you, Maxie. I always have. I always will." With that he stepped off the railing and fell into the rushing waters below.

Maxie couldn't stop the scream that roared from deep within her as she instinctively ran towards him. Looking down into the darkness she was unable to see anything. Screaming his name into the sheer blackness she gripped the railing and started to pull herself up when suddenly she felt herself being shoved to the side. She looked over just as Jason jumped up on the rail and in one swift motion dove in, following Spinelli into their uncertain fate.


	8. Everybody Hurts

**Everybody Hurt's…**

The distance between Maxie and the car, mind as well have been Grand Canyon sized for all the good her legs were doing her. Standing on the bridge, her feet cemented to the tiny space they occupied, lost in the haze and shock of the previous few moments. It seemed like an entire eternity had started and met its end before she could make any sense of her thoughts. She couldn't stop seeing him step from the rail, the tragic scene playing over and over in her mind. Continuing on in a loop, cycling through at warp speed until the image began to mingle with another. As she concentrated on the images she realized it was Spinelli on the ledge of the Jason's balcony, the night Spinelli confessed his love for her, except on that night he'd taken a different, less literal leap. The scenes blurred together, slowly beginning to mirror the other. The haze lifted as the panic set in, sinking in beneath the skin to her core. Locking her to this moment tragically trapped in time.

Her legs began to react before her mind could. The erratic beating of her heart, the pounding of her feet as they found the ground again and again, the absence of sound as he stepped from the rail…Maxie was finding it hard to decipher their unique differences all seeming to blend together, making reality all the more impossible to face.

Breaking into an all out run, Maxie immediately regretted her passion for fashion when she felt her ankle twist sending her body crumpling to the ground, her blonde hair messily cascading over her shoulders. Cursing her choice in footwear, she lifted her torso from the ground and grabbed at her heeled oppressors, desperately trying to tear them from her feet. She tried in vain to steady her hands as her fear had them shaking with uncertainty.

"Nononononono. No! This can't be happening. This can't be happening." She repeated the mantra over and over. Tears streamed down her face as she fought with the clasps of her shoes. Freeing her feet from their heeled confines she got up and continued her run to the car.

Unable to successfully ease her momentum before reaching the dark colored SUV, she slammed into the driver's side door with a thud. Giving a small grunt, Maxie quickly scrambled for the handle, desperately needing access. Finding the keys in the ignition where Jason left them in his haste, she quickly threw the car into drive and headed down the road towards the banks of the river, towards where she thought the current might have swept them. With panic sitting shotgun, Maxie struggled to stay calm. Her tears were relentless, flooding her eyes as she frantically searched for her cell phone.

"Come on; come on give me a signal. Please God, I need a signal! Come on! You can't be doing this to me now." Maxie said holding the phone up in her trembling hand. "Please God…don't take him. Please keep him safe." She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as she let her eyes slip shut, "You have my sister, you can't have him. Not yet. Please not yet. I need him. Please…" Finally hearing the beep signifying that the device had found service, Maxie quickly dialed the number and placed it to her ear as she quickly scanned the abject darkness for any sign of life.

"911. What's your emergency?" The soothing voice was in complete contrast to the emotionally charged one that received it.

"He jumped! Please, he needs help. Please send help!" Maxie gripped the phone tightly as she spoke.

"Ma'am, ma'am I'm going to need you to calm down. Who jumped from what, Ma'am?"

"A bridge! A bridge. He jumped from a freaking bridge and fell into the river. Please I don't know what to do! You need to get someone out here! Helicopters, boats, everything you've got! You need to get it here now. You need to hurry!"

"Ma'am…I'm going to do everything I can to get help to you but I need you to remain calm and tell me your location." Maxie peered through the windshield at the street sign.

"Miller Bridge, off Cabbot Road. You need to get everyone out here! It was too high and even if, even if….the water's too cold…please just get here!"

"I'm dispatching emergency services to your location now. Please stay on the line-"

"Just hurry!" With that Maxie threw the phone into the passenger seat and slammed on the brakes, sending the car into a slight slide as she turned down the dirt road leading further down to the banks of the river.

Coming up behind her, Mac wrapped a blanket around his daughter's shrunken shoulders. Placing his arm around her he gently drew her in. His chin rested at the top of her head as he let his eyes slip shut, thanking whatever high power was responsible for keeping her safe, for keeping her with him. Replacing his chin with a kiss, he started to speak.

"I know you want to stay but there's nothing more you can do here. Please go home and I promise you I'll call the minute I know anything." He spoke with nothing but the sweetest sincerity in his tone.

"Are they checking further down river? Because it took –" Maxie questioned oblivious to her father's request. Tears sneaking into her tone, for what seemed like the millionth time that night, she did her best to push on, "It took forever for anyone to get out here and they were probably swept further down the river than anyone's looking." She rationalized. The quickness with which she spoke made it seem as though her sentence was one big word. Maxie was not able to hear Mac over the overwhelming thoughts in her head. He sadly eyed his daughter, wishing he could do something more to relieve the worry she was feeling.

"You know what? Forget it, I should be down there looking-" Starting to leave before she finished her thought, Mac grabbed her shoulders, stilling her.

"No, Maxie, you'll just be in the way down there. Those men and women are trained for this, you're not. Not to mention, you really need to take care of yourself. You can't afford to get sick and with this damp night air and you soaking wet," Mac looked his daughter over, wishing she hadn't taken it upon herself to wade into the river searching for Spinelli and Jason before anyone could arrive, "the only place you'll be headed is General Hospital. Now, will you please do me this favor? Go home and get some rest. I promise, you'll be the first to hear any news we receive, when we get some." Shaking herself free of his grasp, Mac could almost see the panic tighten its hold on her.

"No. I'm not leaving and you can't make me. This is where he was so this is where I'll stay until we find him. I've spent the last couple of days going out of my mind trying to find Spinelli and now that I finally found him you want me to what? What? You honestly expect me to just leave here? Without him?" Maxie looked at him her brow furrowed in confusion, "No. No." she spoke with conviction, almost daring him to say something else on the matter, but when he didn't she continued.

"I won't just abandon him here." It was easy to see that she was on the verge. All the worry and stress of the previous few days was starting to takes its toll on her. She was coming apart and the only person who could hold her together was the one person whose fate was still uncertain. Mac stepped forward, wanting nothing more than to hold his daughter and soothe her pain but before he could reach her she stepped away. Shaking her head repeatedly, more tears flooded her eyes and leaked down her cheeks as her parted mouth found it hard to take in air.

"I-I can't- I can't leave him here. Can't you understand?" Maxie spoke into the frigid night air. Taking a moment, she tried to compose herself. Mac couldn't help the crack that began to break his heart in two as he looked upon her anguished face. She was a woman. A woman in love and he'd been too busy keeping her his eternal little girl to fully appreciate it until now. While it was true that Spinelli wasn't his favorite person in the world, if this guy had somehow managed to get Maxie to allow herself to open up and really let herself love someone this deeply, well then, there must be something there that he was missing. He silently questioned God for finding the need to rip another person she loved from her. It seemed like every time she found the courage to let someone in they were taken from her.

"I can't help but feel that if I leave here without him..." pausing she looked at the ground for a moment before continuing, "That I'll always be without him" her eyes grew distant as if she were realizing the full implication of those words for the first time.

"No" she said speaking more to the thoughts that popped into her head, to the numerous occasions life would offer her without Spinelli, her rejection for a life without him was absolute and sent shivers coursing down her spine.

"No, I can't do that. I won't do that. They're going to find him. He's going to be all right. He's got to be all right." Maxie said turning back to the river. Once again staring out into the darkness, her mind wracked with worry, she tried her best to cling to positivity.

"Over here!" shouted a rescuer from the river. Maxie's head shot to Mac, hope bursting from her seems, he took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, then another shout.

"Got someone!" she shot towards the voices as fast as her legs would carry her, sending the blanket that was wrapped around her shoulders to the cold solid earth. Hope began welling up inside her unwilling to be contained, Maxie unwilling to try.

Reaching the ambulance before they could successfully load in the gurney, Maxie quickly took the hand that was hanging from the side and cupped it within her own. The hand lay cold and wet between her palms as she clung to it for dear life. Her heart sank as her eyes found the face that was attached to the hand or rather it felt as though someone had reached inside her chest, torn her heart from its ribbed cage and dashed it to the ground.

The hand belonged to Jason, who looked pale with splotches of blue culminating around his lips and eyes. He realized someone was holding his hand when he felt it start to shake uncontrollably. Knowing it was Maxie, he turned his head slightly to look in her eyes. Pulling the oxygen mask from his mouth so he could speak to her, he opened his mouth but nothing was said, finding his next words impossible to say.

"I had him. He was right here" He said, squeezing her hand, speaking on a whisper, his icy blue eyes doing nothing to hide the torment he was feeling. He coughed as he tried to continue talking. He'd swallowed a good amount of water and was now finding it hard to breathe and talk at the same time.

"I had him but the current was too strong…." Finding his mouth to be completely void of moisture he swallowed before continuing, "…tore him out of my hands. I tried to hold on but I couldn't." It seemed as though he couldn't understand how he could have let him go. He couldn't fathom that he wasn't able to save Spinelli.

For Jason, this is what he knew. Sure, he was a hitman. If you wanted to get technical about it, he was a cold blooded killer, when the situation called for him to be. But underneath it all, what he really thought himself to be was a good man that the people he loved could count on. He was disoriented and couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that when Spinelli needed him most, he'd failed.

"I had him-" Jason started to trial off as tears stung his eyes, Maxie dropped his hand from hers. She stood next to the ambulance as they placed him inside and shut the doors. Her arms instinctively came up and wrapped themselves around her body. Her face was frozen in fear as she desperately fought to hold on to hope with everything she had, yet something inside kept telling her that all the hope there'd been was now on route to the hospital.

Jason looked as if he'd barely been able to make it out of the river and he was at full strength before he went in. What did that mean for Spinelli? He looked like he had already been put through the ringer before he jumped. How would he be able to survive? His body had already been subjected to some form of torture and God only knew what else, where would Spinelli find the strength to battle the harsh current? More importantly, why would he want to? He'd been the one to jump in the first place, why would he put up a fight at all? He'd wanted to die. Jason had been his only hope. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut. The thought brought her to her knees as she let the sobs overtake her body.

_**** Flashback****_

_If you think I'm giving up on you, Spinelli, you are so wrong." Maxie said in her sing song voice._

"_Maximista, the vote of confidence is much appreciated but-" Spinelli said through the bathroom door that currently separated them. _

"_It's true, Spin. It's just not in my nature. I'm afraid you're stuck with me. So, why don't you do me the biggest favor and come out already? I'm starting to think there is more than changing going on in there." Maxie said grinning to herself from her position on Spin's bed, a spot she'd been occupying for a few hours now. She was there to help him pick out a tuxedo for a fashion event Kate was making her attend._

_To her surprise Kate had given her free reign when it came to her choice of escorts, a luxury she was never afforded. Maxie decided she was going to capitalize on the chance. She knew Spinelli wanted to take her for quite some time and now was the perfect opportunity. The only catch was that whomever she decided on had to represent Crimson to the fullest of their ability, which was okay because if there was one thing Maxie was great at it was making people aesthetically pleasing. Maxie didn't think Spinelli needed much help but Kate had insisted that she make sure he was Crimson quality before they made their grand entrance._

_If only Spinelli was a more willing participant. She'd been sure that he'd be thrilled at the prospect of taking her, which he was, practically bursting at the seams, that is until she'd told him that he'd have to wear something out of the Crimson closet rather than the generic threads found in his own._

"_I feel like a Ken Doll. How many more of these dastardly penguin suits am I going to have to try on?" Spinelli said from behind the door, he was adjusting his tie in the mirror and giving himself the once over. He was looking devilishly handsome, if he did say so himself. Finally willing to allow himself to be seen, he opened the door, giving it a little karate kick. He stepped out, in his Ralph Lauren tux without any shoes on and a towel wrapped around his head, looking eerily similar to the Jaquita Banana lady. Maxie looked up from the magazine she'd been fingering through just in time to see him flip his jacket over his shoulder and give her the best model-esque pose he could muster, all while playfully fixing his eyes on her. _

_She looked at him for a moment, started from the bottom of his bare feet to the top of his adorable head. The black on black tuxedo fit him perfectly and the maroon tie seemed to make the green of his eyes stand out even more so than they usually did. It was official, this man had swagger coming out of his ears and he didn't even know it. Her eyes scanned over his chest and arms seeing that the fabric clung perfectly to them. Yes, he was definitely working this tux. _

"_And we have a winner" She said excitedly as she jumped from the bed. She reached him and started brushing at his shoulders, circling him as she removed stray hairs and other debris that had managed to work their way onto the flawless black suit. _

"_Really? Maximista thinks so? You don't think the pants make my butt look big?" he said giving her a wink and bending over slightly so that his backside was more pronounced. _

"_Oh yeah, this is definitely the one" she said with a smirk as she playfully smacked his butt._

_"Why?" she paused and shot him a confused look, which just happen to crinkle her nose in the most adorable way. "Don't you think so?" Maxie asked as she stepped in front of him, making eye contact._

"_If you don't like it we can keep looking, after all, it is important that you're comfortable with what you're wearing. That's 85% of pulling off any fabulous outfit. And I've got to tell you Spin, this is a fabulous outfit" she said giving the towel on the top of his head a little nudge._

"_Outfit?" Spinelli gasped indignantly. "Outfit?" he couldn't seem to get a grasp on it as he stood there with his mouth agape and his head cocked to the side. _

"_Yes, outfit." Maxie repeated not understanding the problem. "Am I missing something here? What's the problem?"_

"_Did James Bond wear outfits? The Jackal does not think so. The tuxedo exudes masculinity." He finished, flipping the jacket from his shoulder down onto his bed with a seriousness that made Maxie smile. _

"_Tell that to K.D. Lang." Maxie said with a laugh. Spinelli stood there smirking as he narrowed his eyes on her. _

"_Of course, you know, tuxedo is what I meant. You're all man, Spinelli." She said fixing his cuffs, and gently sliding her hand from his causing their fingertips to slide past each other. When she looked up she was caught off guard by the way he was smiling at her. Spinelli mouth twitched as if he was going to speak but before he could Maxie cut in. _

"_I believe we've known that for quite some time now, Mr. Jackal." She quickly tried to change the feel of the room, her tone turned humorous, as she stepped closer to him so she could grab his tie. "You're a big boy", Maxie said in an amused tone as she swung the knot of his tie back and forth, loosening it._

"_With big boy legs…" she said taking a moment to look down the length of his body and back up again, "... feet. Big boy arms" She said moving her hands to his arms and began gently trailing her fingers along them. _

"_Big boy hair", her voice slowly faded into a hushed whisper as she moved her hands to his towel and pulled it off. She gently ranked her fingers through his hair. Her fingers brushing at his brown strands until she found the style she liked. _

"_Nose…" she brushed the tip of his nose with her finger, Spinelli's smile was cautious but nothing could eliminate the awe on his face. Maxie smiled back obviously caught in a moment. He hoped that she couldn't tell how fast his heart was pounding in his chest. _

"_Lips…" she said moving her eyes to his lips as her fingertip brushed against the bottom of the two. Spinelli couldn't take his eyes off of her. Her eyes fluttered up and caught his gaze. It took a few moments but Spinelli was able to regain control of his faculties and once his brain was able to form thoughts again he did. _

"_Thank you" His voice coming out deeper than he'd meant for it to flustered him, "An-and I think you're right, this is most assuredly the one." He said taking several steps back but he couldn't help the smile that beamed from his face. He looked good and he knew it but more importantly, she knew it. _

"_Taxi! Taxi! Taxeeeeeeeennooooo." Spinelli yelled from the curb as he took a step into the street and let his head fall to his chest feigning disappointment. They'd left the gala a little later than they'd liked and now the streets were empty, not a cab in sight. He wanted to find a cab so Maxie didn't have to walk in the ill fitting heels she'd decided would look best with the shade of makeup she was wearing, but he also couldn't deny how much he didn't want this night to end and walking home would give them the extra time he was craving. Still, he'd attempted to put her first and grab a cab while admittedly he could have tried harder._

"_Looks like we'll be traversing the mean streets of Port Charles on this beautiful moonlit night." Spinelli said sounding sympathetic and maybe even a little hopeful. _

"_I had a feeling we wouldn't find a cab at this hour. Eh, no biggie, tonight's not a bad night for a walk and I promise to keep you safe from any creepy thugs that may happen our way." Maxie said with a wink which made Spinelli laugh. _

"_Well, in that case, how could the Jackal refuse?" He said lifting his arm slightly, giving her a chance to put her arm through his. They walked down the street and Spinelli felt her shiver ever so slightly. He was unable to stop himself as he slowed to a halt and gestured for her to do the same. He took his coat off and held it up so she could put her arms in. _

"_Thanks, Spinelli. This is very sweet of you but if you don't mind me asking, what are you going to do?" Spinelli stopped and looked at her befuddled. _

_Maxie smiled and continued, "Don't think I haven't noticed that you always mysteriously end up with the blanket by the end of every movie night we've ever had." She challenged. Spinelli scoffed and looked at her amused._

"_I'll manage. I've got long sleeves, something that you seem to be missing. I'd say this is the least I could do for a lady such as yourself." Spinelli spoke as Maxie slipped her arm into his and they continued down the moonlit street._

"_You know, I should thank you. We just did something I've always wanted to do. And I couldn't have done it without you." Spinelli spoke as they strolled along the street. Maxie gave him a quizzical look._

"_Oh, yeah. What's that?"_

"_Be the guy that gets to walk into a party with the most beautiful girl in room on his arm." He said looking at her._

"_When I was a kid, my grandmother told me that one day I'd be lucky enough to have a gorgeous woman on my arm and I better learn early how to treat her. She was actually the one who taught me how to dance." Spinelli finished with a smile._

"_What makes Maximista smile so bright?" he said unable to take his eyes off her._

"_Hm? Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about little you and how adorable you must have been." She noticed Spin get a distant look in his eye for a passing moment and she couldn't help but wonder what had hijacked his thoughts in that instant._

"_What was that?" she inquired._

"_What was what?" he queried back._

"_That look you just had." She said matter of factly._

"_What look?"Spinelli said acting oblivious._

"_You had a look." Maxie replied, her frustration beginning to show._

"_I had a look?" Spinelli said repeating her._

"_Come on Spinelli, you know what I'm talking about. You were all smiles and then boom; your eyes did this broody thing." Maxie spoke while trying to mirror the look at him, Spinelli lost the battle and tried to hide his laughter. He wondered if she knew how impossibly cute she looked at this very moment._

"_Maximista, I assure you there was no look. Now if it pleases the court, can we please move on to a different, perhaps, less aggressive line of questioning?" He grinned at Maxie whom simply folded her arms across her chest and playfully narrowed her eyes at him. _

"_I surrender" He said raising both hands in the air, "Do as you wish with me," he spoke throwing his head to the side in dramatic fashion, then he faced her again but wore a serious expression, "Just remember I bruise easy." He finished with grin._

"_My peach, how could I forget?" She said with a matching smile. Her mind automatically recalling the day that she'd come to the PH and found Spinelli trying to bandage the left side of his torso, which had a large bruise spread over the area after a morning spent on Jason's motorcycle._

"_While it is impossible for me to express how much I regret that I warrant such a feminine moniker, the Jackal has no recourse. Unfortunately, I do bruise easy." Maxie squeezed his arm as she laughed._

"_Hey, there's the park we should cut through, the park looks gorgeous at night." Maxie said already leading him across the street towards the park. _

"_How are Maximista's feet feeling? I know you've been dying to get out of your fashionable footwear ever since we arrived at the highly publicized affair. Perhaps, it would be best if I just called for a ride. You shouldn-"_

"_Spinelli, I'm fine" she smiled at him as she continued, "My feet hurt like hell but it's not so bad that I can't walk. Now would you stop worrying so much and follow me? She said pulling on his arm._

"_Like hell? The Jackal cannot abide such pain being inflicted on his Maximista. Here, I have an idea." Spinelli said, suddenly putting his back to her. "Jump on." _

"_Spinelli, no. There is absolutely no way I'm mounting you in the middle of the park." Spinelli fumbled a little at her choice of words but thought it best to just let it pass. "There's no reason that you should have to carry me home." Maxie dismissed._

"_It's the least I can do after my pitiful attempt failed at catching us a cab." Spinelli eyed her sadly, his lips sporting the tiniest of pouts. "Come on, just take off your shoes and I'll carry you. Your feet never have to touch the ground the Jackal gives his solemn vow." He said flashing her his trademark Spinelli grin._ _ "Maximista knows she wants to." Spinelli said with a glimmer of something playful in his eyes._

_Without word Maxie took a seat on one of the benches and started to unclasp her extremely tight shoes. Spinelli couldn't help the smile that bloomed on his face realizing she was going to go along with his idea._

"_Just so you know I'm only doing this because, well, for one my feet really do hurt like hell and two, I just happen to love getting piggy back rides." Maxie finished taking her shoes off and waved him over. Just as she wrapped her arms around his neck the length of her body was pressed against his back, her legs tightly wrapped around his waist. After a moment she slowly leaned in close and spoke against his ear, "But if you ever tell anyone, I'm afraid I will have to kill you, Mr. Jackal." All Spinelli could do was smile, realizing for the millionth time that night just how much he loved this woman. _

_Spinelli playfully galloped back and forth as Maxie's infectious laughter filled the night air. She clung to him tightly her arms wrapped around his neck. Spinelli slowed to a stroll as they both struggled to get back into the natural rhythm of their breathing. Maxie gently pressed her cheek against his back and felt his heart beating gently in time with hers. A smile slowly found her features as Spinelli cleared his throat and started to speak. _

"_See? This was a good idea. Go ahead you can admit it. I won't tell anyone." Spinelli said smiling to himself._

"_I can admit when I'm wrong..." she paused and their eyes met and she couldn't help but smile, "Okay, most of the time I can admit when I'm wrong." She readjusted when she heard Spinelli laugh. _

"_You were right. This was a great idea. Although, it makes me realize that you never asked me to dance tonight. Not even once." Maxie's lower lip instinctively popping out, she rested her chin on his shoulder as she continued, "You know Spin I have to say I'm more than a little disappointed, I was really looking forward to seeing your moves." She said moving her arms in an exaggerated fashion as her hips gyrated back and forth. Spinelli's mouth fell open slightly, the feel of her body moving against his back drove him crazy. He tried his best not to be mesmerized by an act that was meant to be a shot at his dancing ability but was failing miserably. Catching himself he quickly closed his mouth and began to speak as she continued laughing. _

"_The Jackal happens to be an excellent dancer. Besides, you know what they say, it's never too late." Spinelli spoke, turning his head to her. Smiling Maxie lifted her head, giving him an intrigued look._

"_What do you mean? The gala is over and we are in the middle of the park, which the last time I checked, wasn't wired for sound." She said jokingly._

_Not bothering to answer her question with words, he walked over to a bench and set her down. Turning around, Spinelli reached into his pocket and pulled out his iPod. Maxie looked at him with disbelief. He hesitated for a split second before placing his hands on her waist and lifted her off the bench. Their eyes met as he lowered her onto the tops of his feet and he smiled a smile that made her stomach ache._

_Smoothing his hands along the wire of the headphones he gently placed one in her ear and put the other in his._

"_How very clever of you, Spinelli" Maxie said with a grin. Spinelli felt helpless when met with such a foe. Every time she smiled at him it was as if the world slowed down and everything else simply faded into the background. _

"_The Jackal has his moments" Spinelli said pleased that she was enjoying his idea. Putting the iPod in his pocket he hit the play button and let it go. Hearing the beat pulse through the headphones he placed his hand at the base of her back and pulled her closer. Hearing the familiar melody Maxie's soft smile did the impossible and lit up her face even more than it naturally did. _

"_I love this song_._" The lyrical stylings of Sade's "By Your Side" must have been the first song in his shuffle and it seemed to capture the particular mood perfectly. They continued to sway with the music both enjoying the feeling of ease that being together brought them._

_Spinelli felt the drops before she did. Looking up to the sky he tried to tell her they should go before it started to really come down but her only response was to pull him closer. _

_The sprinkle didn't take long to turn into an all out down pour, yet neither of them stopped dancing. Lightning lit up the sky and the boom of the thunder quickly followed. The sudden clap in the sky caught Maxie off guard making her jump and grip Spin even tighter. She felt Spin pull back so that he could look at her face. She wasn't sure if it was the static electricity in the air or Spinelli who was making her feel this way. She searched his eyes, hoping the answer lay hidden there, when suddenly she saw him start to lean in and steal a kiss. She felt his hands on her hips, his fingers pressing into the flesh there. He gently sucked her lower lip between his, moving his hands so that his arms enveloped her. Maxie found it impossible to think of anything other than the way he felt against her, how his lips worshipped her without words. A warm feeling started emanating from the pit of her stomach and spread throughout her entire being. __Their bodies pressed together tightly molding them together perfectly, as if they were made for each other. _


	9. Sometimes

…**.Sometimes**

Rushing into General Hospital, the Commissioner was eager to locate someone with information on the whereabouts of Damian Spinelli. Mac Scorpio had barely been able to make it to the ambulance before they closed the doors and rushed off, carrying a very critical Spinelli. He'd been in bad shape when they found him about a mile and a half mile up river. Mac didn't waste time as he ran to his car, grabbing his cell phone as his foot slammed on the gas.

Finally making it to the nurse's station, he heard the news that he'd been praying wouldn't come. The tragic news startled Mac, who stumbled backwards a few steps and caught himself on the desk of the nurse's station. Spinelli had been pronounced while on route to the hospital, the nurse assuring him that they'd done absolutely everything they could have for him. Mac's first thought was of Maxie, in his haste, he'd phoned her and told her to meet him here thinking Spinelli was, at the very least, still going to be alive by the time they made it to the hospital.

"My God..." Was all he could think to say, just then, a pair of officers rounded the corner and walked over.

He informed the officers to be on alert for Maxie and to bring her to him immediately when she was located.

"You are not to inform her of the victim's condition. I'll be the one that tells my daughter" he spoke solemnly. Just then another officer on duty stepped off the freshly opened elevator and caught the last part of the Commissioners orders.

"Commissioner? I just came from the morgue and I'm sure I already saw your daughter down there." Mac felt a surge of something that felt a lot like anger mixed with dread.

"Who the hell told her already?" Mac thundered, already running to the elevator. He knew from past experience that handling grief was not Maxie's strong suit and the thought of her going through it alone made his chest hurt for her, doing the only thing he could think to do at the moment, he pushed himself to run faster. Finally reaching basement level, he made the long walk out of the elevator and to the end of the hall. Pushing the doors open he took a deep breath and walked in. He immediately spotted her, standing perfectly still, staring at the wall with all the metal doors used for housing the corpses. He stood there a moment, unable to find words suitable enough for the current situation, when suddenly he heard her speak.

"I can't bring myself to open the door." Her voice sounded as if those were the first words she'd uttered aloud in ages. With her back still to the entrance and Mac, she continued on, her voice cracking the more she endeavored to speak, "He's over there, in tha-….that drawer", she spoke knowingly. Licking her lower lip she tried her best to make her body do what was supposed to come naturally. Oxygen was in great demand and yet the air surrounding her seemed to be in short supply as she couldn't seem to catch her breath.

"And I can't even bring myself to take one stupid step. So simple, and yet it feels like the hardest thing in the world." Their breathing was the only sound made for the next few seconds as Maxie stayed focused on the metal doors and Mac kept his focus on her.

"Not so simple." Mac spoke aloud.

"No, not so simple. Not so simple at all. It's stupid, that's what it is. That's what all of this is, completely and utterly stupid." Maxie said sounding calmer than he thought she would, she hastily wiped at the pool of liquid that started to collect in the corner of her eye.

"Maxie….." Mac said sadly, "Come on, let's get you out of here."

"I had to see for myself." She continued, not hearing him.

"I thought you were at home. I never would have-" Mac used his hand to rub his forehead. "How did you get here so quickly?"

"I've been here, circling the halls. I couldn't bring myself to go home and I knew that when they found him, whether he was injured or…." She stopped not being able to finish the sentence, "I knew they'd come here. All roads lead to here." she spoke solemnly. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I just didn't want you to worry about me and I couldn't go home while he was out there, while I didn't know." She looked down and watched as her tiny hands dueled each other nervously.

"I was sitting in the lobby when I overheard some of the nurses. You can't really mishear the name Spinelli." She answered, a glimmer of a smile briefly appearing before quickly vanishing as if it'd never been there to begin with. Staring blankly ahead, Mac looked at the ground then back up again.

"I just keep going over it and over it in my head. He was right there, right in front of me. He looked so lost and I'll I wanted to do was help him but I screwed up. I froze, I tried talking to him but I should have done more."

"Don't do this Maxie." Mac spoke sadly.

"I was so close to him. He was right here." She said extending her arm out in front of her, "If I just would have grabbed him. If I just would've done something…" she finished emphasizing her last word.

"No, Maxie. Please don't do this to yourself. You can't blame yourself for what happened. You did all you possibly could for him."

"I just stood there, Mac! He looked so lost, so broken. The things those monsters did to his body…" fresh tears welled up in her eyes, "…the animals that did this to him should be the ones in here, not him."

"This can't be happening. There is just no way this is happening. I thought that after Georgie….." Maxie trailed off, her emotions strangling the thoughts from her being before she could successfully articulate them, Mac closed his eyes painfully, hearing Georgie's name and being in this room was almost too much to endure but he wasn't going to leave Maxie. "I can't go through this again. This has to be some kind of a mistake. I keep waiting for him to walk through that door and laugh at me for thinking such a ridiculous possibility could ever be true. Because there is just no way he's in there, right?" Maxie turned to Mac with a look of pleading desperation. "Right?" she finished on a whisper.

"Maxie, honey" Mac approached the topic slowly, weary of her response, "You'll never know how sorry I am that you've lost someone else you care about and that you found out like this. I know this is hard to accept but in time it will get easier. I promise you that. But one thing's for sure, it's not going to get that way staying in here. Come on, let's get out of here and I'll take you back to the house."

"This isn't right. This doesn't feel right, any of it. I mean who is this Petrov guy? It's like he just appeared out of nowhere. Why would he do this to Spinelli? This doesn't make any sense."

"I don't know, sweetheart. But I promise you I will find out." He spoke with such seriousness that she believed he would.

"Listen, sweetheart, I don't think there is an exact way you're supposed to feel, you just let yourself feel what you're going to feel. I know it's going to take some time but you'll get through this. We'll get through this together. You are not alone, Maxie. I'm here for you and that's never going to change." Mac said tears welling up in his eyes.

"He was meant for so much more than this, definitely more than he got. More than I ever gave him." She finished with a self-deprecating half laugh. "This can't be how it ends for him. This can't be it. We never got to-…" she breaks off wiping at her tears. "We never will." The statement brought a fresh batch of tears to the surface, "I don't know what to do with that." She said in a tiny voice.

"I never told him how much I love him." Mac stood there at a loss for words. Wishing there was something he could do for her but knowing there was nothing.

"I never gave him credit for how brave he was because he was always so much braver than anybody ever knew. He saw through me, to who I really was, he saw me. A fact which absolutely terrified me because knowing me it was only a matter of time before I did something to completely screw it up and the thought of not having him in my life…it was just too much to risk." Mac opened his mouth to speak but was cut off.

"But Spinelli was brave. He was willing to risk it. The inevitable pain that comes with giving yourself to someone else, especially someone like me…"she flashed a sad smile, "…even after everything I've done, after finding out all the horrible things I've been capable of, he told me he loved me…" she stopped and tried to fight against the overwhelming hurt that had just boiled to the surface, "…and you know what I did?" She was breaking right in front of his very eyes and all he could do was let her.

"I told him to stop. I told him it would ruin everything because I ruin everything." She was speaking with such an anguished look of disgust on her face, as if the knowledge of how she'd reacted was too horrific to even speak about. "I told him I didn't love him. Can you believe that?" She wiped at her nose, which had taken on a deep pink hue. "He had the sweetest look in his eyes and somewhere inside of me I knew that I loved him, I knew…" she said angrily tearing herself apart, "… but you know me, can't make anything easy." She let the tears slip past her barriers.

"I lied to him. The last thing I ever said to him was a lie." She let the thought sink in and looked up with the purest form of panic in her eyes. "What have I done? This-…all of this is my fault. If I could have just been honest with him, with myself, he'd still be here." She finished the flood gates giving way.

"I don't know if I can do this."

"You don't have to, not right now." Maxie looked up narrowing her eyes on Mac as he finished speaking.

"I don't have to, Mac?" she spoke sarcastically as if a light bulb just went off in her mind, "You're right. You're exactly right. Just like I don't have to care that he's over there on some stupid pull out tray, I don't have to give a damn about tomorrow and the next day or the days after where I have to wake up to a world that he doesn't exist in anymore. I mean, how great is that? I don't have to do any of those things. Isn't that just the most fantastic thing you've ever heard?" She spoke harshly, emphasizing her 'I's'. She didn't mean to unleash her anger on him but it was beyond her control. Her anger was devouring her whole.

Mac made a move to step towards her but she shook her head suspending his movements and whispered "I let myself love him and now he's gone. How could I be so stupid? I was fine before he came along. I tried so hard not to feel anything, I really tried. " Maxie's expression played between anger and sadness as she continued, "I tried to stop, I didn't want to love him, I didn't want to love anyone. I know I'm too messed up for that. I get that, I've always gotten that. But I couldn't shake him, it didn't matter how hard I tried. He was always there when I needed him. And what did I do when he needed me? I let him jump off a damn bridge." Mac didn't say anything, realizing that all she needed right now was to be listened to.

"Do you….do you think this happened because of me?" Maxie said hesitantly, looking away in shame, the tears slowly beginning to overwhelm her vision. She fiercely wiped at the offending liquid that did nothing but show her weakness. "It's me..." she said her head shaking slowing, as if nodding in agreement, "…it's me." She spoke so softly, Mac wasn't positive she'd actually said anything at all.

"No, Maxie. This is not your fault. You couldn't have known this would happen, no one could."

"Yeah, and yet every time someone has needed me in return, what have I done? Nothing, I'm nowhere to be found. Because as long as I'm getting what I want, what does anything else matter? When Georgie or Coop or Jesse needed me, I let them all down. And now Spinelli…" Maxie turned her attention back to the stainless steel doors.

"He's really gone, isn't he?" Maxie soft voice was barely audible. Mac eyed her sadly, "Yes, he is." He saw her shoulders shake and wished he could take it back, that somehow it weren't true. The room lay silent for what seemed like an eternity before either spoke.

"You know, this is the second time I've been in here with him. Spinelli and I came down here once when we were tracking Devlin." Mac was suddenly startled at the sound of Maxie's laughter. "Spinelli completely passed out on me…." Her laugh soon turned solemn as she continued, "….and I sat there with his head in my lap and was just stroking my hand through his hair, looking at him" Maxie had a faraway look on her face as her hand slowly began to mimic her movements from that day, "I think that was one of the first times I felt it. Something about that moment, I can't explain it, I just knew." Mac sent her a gentle smile in understanding.

"So if you knew back then, what stopped you from telling him?" Maxie smiled sadly and took a second before she spoke.

"Turns out, there is quite a bit of distance between my heart and my head, plenty of room for baggage between here and there." Seeing that Maxie had finally let her guard down Mac closed the gap between them. He gently touched her shoulder and it was all she could do to not collapse into his arms. A fresh batch of tears pooled in her eyes as she spoke, "What am I going to do without him?"

"_Maxie…" Spinelli's husky whisper came between their torrid kisses. Maxie's hands came up to Spinelli's face and gently pushed him away and she struggled to gain control of her breathing. Their foreheads softly collided as they stayed entwined. Spinelli gently reached up between them and moved the hair from her face. Their eyes locked on each other, they remained this way for some time, both lost in the eyes of the other. Then, suddenly, Maxie released her embrace and took a few steps back. Without word she turned around and started running through the park, away from Spinelli. Watching her in confusion it took him a moment to process what had just transpired, without another thought he quickly took off after her, unaware of what had caused her hasty retreat._

_Spinelli was running at full speed and still he was unable to catch her. Finally bursting free from the park he caught a glimpse of her as she crossed the street. Taking his opportunity to catch her off guard he doubled his speed and caught her as she was stepping onto the sidewalk._

"_Maximista, what happened? Why did you run?" Spinelli spoke between intakes of air._

"_Spinelli, everything's fine. I'm going home. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Maxie spoke quickly barely even looking in Spin's direction. _

"_Oh, okay. So it's not about that incredibly passionate kiss we just shared?" Spinelli said looking at her, frustration evident on his face._

"_Spinelli…" Maxie was cut off as Spinelli suddenly grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder and walked the few feet to the entrance of the building where he lived. _

"_Spinelli! What are you doing? Put me down!" Maxie said surprise obvious in her tone. Spinelli nodded at the doorman as he entered the lobby. _

"_Hey, Kevin. Crazy weather we're having tonight."He said as he strolled to the elevator._

"_Mr. Spinelli…" he nodded back, "ye-ah…yeah, yes it is."The doorman answered looking on in confusion. _

"_I'm serious, Spinelli. Let me go." Maxie tried again._

"_Nope, I'm afraid I can't do that, Maxie. We are going to talk about this and we are going to talk about it right now." Spinelli said stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for the penthouse._

"_You can put me down at any time, Spinelli." Maxie said her anger beginning to show in her tone._

"_Not until we are in the penthouse. You can't be trusted." Spinelli said matter of factly._

"_You have got to be kidding me. You are way out of line here, Spinelli." Maxie said trying to wiggle free of his grasp._

"_Be glad I don't have handcuffs." Spinelli said with a smirk, opening the door to the penthouse he stepped inside and set her down._

"_Do you think this is funny? Who the hell do you think you are? Since when do you go around man handling women? Clearly you've spent too much time with Jason." Maxie said tearing off Spinelli's coat and throwing it at him. Spinelli caught the jacket without missing a beat and gently hung it over the back of the desk chair.  
_

"_Man handling? So you admit that I'm a man." Spinelli said with a smile, one that Maxie was trying very hard not to find sexy._

"_Spinelli, what's going on? Why are you acting like this?" Maxie said confused as to why she was feeling nervous or why her stomach was doing flip flops._

"_God, Maxie! Can't you see it? Can-can't you feel it? Feel me?" Spinelli said as he grabbed her arms with such desperation he thought he might break then and there. His eyes were dark and stormy much like the weather outside. They had come to the penthouse hoping to escape the storm only to find a fiercer one waiting just inside._

"_I've been walking around for months now in this Maxie induced stupor and you..." he trailed off with a slight self deprecating chuckle, one that he had come to know as the sound of his heart breaking…_

Walking into Kelly's Lulu spotted Maxie and joined her at her table, snapping her back to reality.

"Hi, Max. Coffee for your thoughts?" Lulu questioned, simultaneously offering her a cup.

"Oh, hey, Lu. Thanks. I owe you one." Maxie said unenthusiastically.

"That kind of morning, huh? Looks like I should have brought you a larger dose." Lulu said taking a seat, directly in front of her one time enemy turned friend, sliding the coffee her way. As if on cue, Mike walked to the front of the counter as Lulu turned around in her chair and got his attention.

"Hey, Mike? Turns out we are going to need the whole pot." Lulu smiled as Mike nodded in understanding.

"So what's up? Pull another all-nighter for Kate? You could have called me, I know how Kate can get carried away." Lulu said talking a sip of her hot coffee. When Maxie didn't answer right away, Lulu spoke up again.

"Oh, I see…" Lulu said staring at her friend. Still Maxie made no effort to speak instead she just stared at her coffee, gently moving it from side to side. "…one of those nights." Lulu said in a more subdued tone.

"Last night I went out to pick up some dinner and when I was ordering I must have absent mindedly asked for an orange soda." Maxie mouth curved into the slightest of smiles before vanishing, "When I dropped it, it got all over my new Manolo's and what's worse is I just didn't care." Maxie spoke with a sad smile, summoning all her strength not to break down and cry but her lip betrayed her and started to tremble.

"I don't even drink soda. You'd think that after all this time it'd be easier, you know?" Lulu eyed her friend sadly.

"It was just one set back. It'll pass and you'll keep moving forward." Lulu tried to reassure her.

"I've been walking around in a daze ever since, I don't really even know how I ended up here." Maxie said looking at Lulu for the first time, trying her best to keep her tears at bay.

"It takes time, Maxie. No one knows how long but one day you'll wake up and realize that it doesn't hurt so much. I promise you, it won't always be this hard." Maxie started shaking her head in disagreement.

"I don't know that I believe that anymore. It's something I can't help, I don't know if it will ever get easier. It's like you can go all this time and not think about it but then out of nowhere you do…and you're right back there. I think I'm finally getting somewhere and then I glance at that table in the corner and remember how sweet he was when we were tracking the TMK, or when the heel of my shoe gets stuck in that steel street grate on Main and I remember when we were trapped in that storm drain together…everything reminds me of him and it's like I'm right back there on that bridge. Anything short of him coming back, well, then yeah, it's just too hard to face."

"You can't even bring yourself to say his name anymore, Maxie. I remember when you couldn't stop saying his name and I know that you think that if you pretend like he never existed it would make things easier, but that's not how it works. You can't run from it Maxie, that's just not the way it works. ." Maxie simply flashed her a toothy grin.

"You don't think I know that, Lulu?" Maxie said her name with malicious intent. "You don't think I know he's gone? That he's never coming back? I long for the day, for the minute, the instant when I don't know that. I keep trying to imagine him behind some computer screen on some remote beach somewhere, anywhere really, just living his life. Because only when I do that does it feel like maybe I stand a fighting chance at living some semblance of a normal life, one that isn't spent dwelling in regret, living out different versions of the past. Praying that one of those fairy tale times that things will change and he'll be here again." Maxie got up from her seat and turned to stare out the window.

"But he is gone, Maxie-" Lulu tried to interject.

"Gee thanks, Lulu. I had no idea." At that Maxie spun around, tears defiantly running down her face. She was shaky as she found it incredibly hard to think about Spinelli let alone talk about him. How could Lulu possibly understand that for her denial was a blessed getaway from the harsh reality that was now her life? She'd had him. The person that made love and happiness exist for her. He was the one thing that brought it all together, it was all too clear now that she was left with a life without him. A life that would be spent in regret, regret that she'd been too scared to follow her heart. To grab onto him for dear life and show him that he made her life worth living. That he was all she would ever need. Words that she now choked on, these words, these simple syllables that once held so much promise were now left to seep in and devastate.

"Maxie, I'm sorry. You know I am and if there was anything I could do to make this better for you, if I could bring Spinelli back, you know I would. But you can't expect me to watch you do this to yourself. You're my best friend and I care about you, I can't be expected to sit by and just watch as you tear yourself apart. Is this really what you want? I can't believe that this is it, that this is how you want your life to be. What happened to the girl who was going to take the fashion world by storm? Spinelli wouldn't want this for you. It's like you've been in the middle of breaking for over a year now and I just can't bear to watch it any longer."

Maxie turned slowly on her heel, silently seething with unresolved anger. Anger for the love that was lost to her, anger for a best friend who was finding it harder to stay silent under the weight of her growing dysfunction. It took her a moment to capture her stampeding thoughts.

"Yes, Lulu, yes. This is it. Standing by be. That is what this is. I'm breaking? Been in the middle of breaking for over a year now? Maybe you haven't been looking close enough, I'm broken, Lulu. I snapped in half the moment Spinelli didn't make it out of that damn river. And if this is what I need, if this is what it takes for me to just keep taking that next breath, if I have to baby step the rest of my life and still end up in the same damn place then that is what I need you to let me do. Loving Spinelli came as just as much a surprise to me as it did to anyone. You're my best friend, the only one I've got left, and…I don't know that I can do this without you." Maxie finished as tears over took her eyes. Lulu looked at her wilted friend in front of her and immediately regretted pushing her so hard. A tear slipped down her cheek as she got up from her seat and crossed the room and wrapped, an at first unwilling Maxie, in her arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you. I know you are doing your best. It's going to be okay." Lulu spoke hugging her friend a little tighter. "You don't have to defend yourself to me and I shouldn't have tried to make you. You'll get there in your own time, Maxie. I promise it won't always hurt this much."After a while, Maxie gently eased out of the hug and started to speak.

"I get it. Trust me, Lulu, I get it. He's gone and I've accepted that." Lulu gave Maxie a look. "I have." Maxie countered. "I've moved on and to that end, I actually have a date tonight." She said her voice rising in a semi excited fashion. Lulu pulled back to look her in the eyes and gave a little laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll believe that when I see it." Lulu said giving her a smile.

"I thought I saw you again last night." Maxie spoke into the still night air. She'd meant to drive to the restaurant where she was meeting her date but she'd somehow ended up here, her cold hands resting against the same spot where he last stood. She struggled with herself to keep from scanning the area for him like she'd done on so many of her previous nights spent here. Somewhere inside of her she knew that he wasn't going to be there but in the time since he'd been gone she'd been desperate to feel a connection to him again. And out of her desperation she'd clung to this spot on the bridge, the last place she saw him, the last place they were together.

"Only this time it made sense, which is to say it could have been you. It wasn't at some fashion conference or in my kitchen in the middle of one of my sleepless nights but on the streets of Port Charles. I saw you and then you were gone, I tried to run after you but you disappeared in to the crowd." Maxie kept looking straight ahead, her knuckles turning white from the tight grip she had on the railing.

"I have dreams about you. I fall asleep and I dream that you come and rescue me from whatever trouble I've managed to get myself into, whether it's serious and life threatening or just some malfunction at Crimson. Sometimes it's the slightest of things, we bump into each other on the street or we're at Kelly's and I'm looking through the latest copy of Vanity Fair and you're on your computer but most of the time I dream about the little things. Your arms around me, holding me, making me feel safe. Most of the time we're dancing or we're making dinner, even grocery shopping, most of the time we aren't doing anything spectacular, or even dream worthy, it's just you and me. That's the only constant it's always you and me. That's how it was always supposed to be. I get so mad thinking about all the time we lost, all that time I wasted because I couldn't stop letting my fears control me. Sometimes it's a whole lifetime in a dream. An-and…and I hate that that's what you've become, a compilation of memories….the past."

"I sit here and envision that night and I imagine you being found. You're all right and you run to me and I run to you because we can't bear to be apart for even a second longer. We hold each other and I press my head against your chest and I can feel the beating of your heat against my cheek, the heart that belongs to me."

"And I know that's crazy, I know it is. I spend my time here hoping against hope that one of these nights you'll just magically appear."Maxie said tears beginning to form.

"But what's crazier? That you'll show up? Or that I've been waiting for you to? Maxie spoke her eyes taking on a far-away look.

!*!*!*!***Somewhere on the outside of town***!*!*!*!*!

"So, give it to me straight, doc, where we at?" the younger gentleman asked the salt and peppered haired older gentleman. Taking off his glasses, he used his hand to rub the bridge of his nose.

"As I told you before, the odds that this boy will make a full recovery are not good. Not putting into context the damage that was done to his body before he went in the water, taking into account the time he spent in that cold water, his brain deprived of oxygen for God knows how long….it's going to take a miracle for this kid to open his eyes again." He finished lighting his cigarette with a match.

"I'm confused…isn't that what I pay you for, miracle man?" The younger man said coming to stand next to him but facing the opposite direction. The older of the two laughed and flicked the burnt match into the trash can.

"I'll do the best that your money can buy." The older man smirked as he looked at the younger man.

The younger man reached for the door and opened it. Turning back, he spoke, "The best that the Petrov money can buy. My father wanted this man for a reason. And I've got to say, I don't see the family resemblance." The younger man laughed as he was about to walk out of the room. The bandages that covered Spinelli's face masked his features but soon enough, the family resemblance would be impossible to ignore.

"Where are you going? This is serious work we are undertaking here."

"You just make sure he stays alive. I'll be back soon enough. I've got a date tonight."


End file.
